Saturday, December 19, 2009

Recent photo of my younger sisters daughter...my neice..and facing my fear....think it might have been worth it...

This is a recent photo of my niece sent to me the other day....I've not seen her in a long long time...more about this below in the third paragraph. Isn't she beautifu?...so proud of her...she's been on her own a long time just like me...we are kind of the "outsiders" of our family...I know she writes and does artwork also.....hmmm....now that's very interesting.

Things are looking up for me "Now"...in the "moment" and it has really been quite an interesting week that's for sure! I looked at"my" side of "Things" and then turned the tables and looked at "his" side of things. Then I took a leap of faith......so far so good! One day at a time they say...and it's all I can do anymore. I'm glad I took the steps I did and once again faced my fear "head on"....sometimes it does bring you interesting "surprises"...A Pisces and a Scorpio...one day at a time...we will see how things go.

Also my younger sister is getting much much better and she has gained weight and things look much better for her now , she's going to be ok. I hope she continues to "stay clean" and sober. She sent me a recent photo of her daughter, (my niece above) and she is now 27 (in the photo too) years old. I have not seen her in person nor a picture of her since she was 15 years old. When I looked at this photo above, I was stunned to see in her face the resemblance of so many people in my family! I saw her mother in her of course....but also looking at this photo I saw my older sister and one of my mothers sisters (who passed on years ago) aunt "Genie" who was tall, and had those beautiful cheekbones, just like my older sister does...and amazingly I saw my Father in her face also....and I even saw a little bit of myself in her face too. I am the "middle sister" out of the three of us. I tell you when I first looked at this photo (my younger sister e-mailed to me the other day) of her daughter, I just sat there staring at her, stunned, spell bound and seeing so much family resemblance it felt almost "eerie"....life sure has been interesting and lot's of changes of late...hope your all enjoying the holidays....mine just got a little bit better yesterday.....;o))

All for now blog friends,

Love Rhiannon

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Christmas in my Soul....written and sung by Laura Nyro



Ironic how a song written and sung by Laura 40 years ago, can still ring so true.
About the state of our country "America" now and the world today. Her words speak "Volumes".

The Spiritual "Lessons" we've still to learn.

Joy to this World...........

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm Greatful and thankful but lets not forget the history of Thanksgiving.

There is much I am grateful for this Thanksgiving holiday coming on Thursday. I have survived and managed to have "shelter" through these trying times in my life. I have been living in poverty for over 2 years now but I know I have survived because as hard as it's been the "inner spiritual" part of me never let me give up, as much as part of me wanted to just surrender, as I had grown so very tired and lacked the physical strength.

I think back to the history of this Thanksgiving holiday and what it means to me and maybe to some of you. Yes, we are grateful to be living in this great land of ours. Or are we? Every Thanksgiving I think back to how we came to this country and took the land from the Native American Indians....they are the "original Americans" and yet so many of them live in poverty and trying times and very difficult lives living on the reservations. I don't see much changing through history about this. There are still the same problems. We come face to face with putting people that lived in this land on "little spaces of reservations" for them. We "took" from them and now we celebrate? It often feels and seems rather odd to me that we celebrate what we took from the Native American Indians on this holiday.

I often wonder if the Native American Indians celebrate this holiday? Why would they? To me Thanksgiving day would be a very sad day for them...knowing that we celebrate our "victory" of what we took from people of dignity and great courage who used to live off the land.

Over two years ago I found myself moving to Montana and actually living on an Indian reservation. I thought I had made the right decision and had plans for a new life there for me. Instead it turned out horrific. What I saw and witnessed and what I personally went through there myself. I consider myself lucky to have gotten out of there alive! I now can honestly say to you that it broke my heart to know how some Native American Indians have to live. And what has happened to them because of our history. I learned some wonderful traditions and "spiritual ways" and met a few very interesting "chiefs" and such. But what I mostly saw was total poverty, constantly "living on the edge" struggling for shelter and food and to have a car of some kind to drive.....a lot of alcoholics, drug addicts, mad and angry and violent.....and just trying to get through every day to survive.

I used to think I knew what we had done to the Native American Indians, but now I really do know and have witnessed and experienced it firsthand.

So, I will celebrate what I am "Thankful" for on Thanksgiving day but I will "Not" celebrate what the history of Thanksgiving day represents to this country.

I am humbled and ashamed...and much more aware now then I have ever been before about this holiday that we celebrate. If you sit down at the table and carve that turkey on Thanksgiving day , give a special heartfelt thought to the Native American Indians and how we took their land and much of their integrity and honor. This "land was their land" until we came along.

I humbly wish you all a "Thankful" Thanksgiving.

With Love and many Blessings,

Rhiannon

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Trying to define poetry through a simple poem of mine...

Poetry Is.............

In poetry there is darkness
in poetry there is light
there is sweetness
there is day
there is night
in poetry there is happy
there is soul
there is sappy
in poetry there is sorrow
and writing
about a better tomorrow
in poetry there is rebirth
in going through the pain
in poetry there is brightness
and sunlight
or embracing the rain
in poetry there is "change"
and not always
a happy refrain
in poetry it's never the same
in poetry it is "real"
because in poetry
it's always writing
about how you truly feel......


*Graphic Art design done by Rhiannon via fiddling around on my Photo Express*

Written by Rhiannon (Barbara R.) Oct. 26th, 2009
*@Copyrights* owned by Rhiannon (Barbara R.)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Set my Spirit Free at Midnite....another recent poem of mine.


Set my Spirit Free
release my capture
at Midnight......
free my reins
let me run wild
with abandon
and untamed
in moonlights glow....

Calling to the Universe
Independent
to roam
to wherever
my spirit seeks
to the calling
of the wild....

To carry
no one's
heavy burdens
upon my back
ever again....
for I've spent
a lifetime
with the weight
and whip
upon me....
No more
will I bow down
nor follow
someone else's directions.....
for my path
is now free
to run wild
to roam......
Clearly I see
but I feel to know.....
for the good red road
is now calling me
to mother earth
and to father sky.....

I now seek
the path to home
where I've always belonged....

Set my Spirit free
at midnight
beckoning me
to Freedoms shores
and to the call of the wild.

*Click on the photo to enlarge it and see the true beauty of this photo*


Written by Rhiannon (Barbara R.) Oct. 25th, 2009
*Copyrights owned by Rhiannon*

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Learning to Forgive....a profound and heartfelt video

I watched this video from youtube at my blog friends Yang Jun's Blog. I thank him for helping me to work on myself by his posting this video...now I pass it on to others in hopes of us all working on healing our wounds from the past. This video is based on the last words in the entry of Mary Karen Reads journal before her death. She was killed in the Virginia Tech shootings.

Love and Blessings,

Rhi

Sunday, October 04, 2009

My first attempt at writing a poem in a year. "Strong Spirits Arise".......


I'm a "Rebel with a Cause"
no doubt about it
no hesitation
no pause...

I'm struggling
to keep the identity
of my Soul
if I don't save it
I'll never be "whole"
again...

These constant rules
and regulations
I try to follow them
but find these fools
who run the show never do
nor abide or respect
human dignity
or the "Golden Rules"....

Invalidate
intimidate
frustrate
so others
become too fearful
to speak up
so, on and on it goes
but the ones
with a strong Spirit
the ones
who "Know"
what's going on
don't hesitate
nor pause.....

But there are harsh punishments
for speaking up
for a cause
this is the chance you take
these are the choices you make
yes, the good seem punished
and the bad rewarded
for whatever reason
this is
it probably will always be....
but does this mean
"Monkey never hears"?
"Monkey never see's"?
blinded in fears?
walls built around the castle
closed in
and shedding their quiet tears...

But, alas continue on
Strong Spirits Arise
and Stand Tall
for you know if you don't
they wait with sinister anticipation
to watch you crumble
to watch you fall
Joan of Arc knew it....
she knew it all along
but continue on
Spirits Arise
Spirits be Strong
even when you fall
Stand tall
Stand tall

Written by Rhiannon (Barbara R.)
*my thoughts on how I am feeling and "standing" right now*


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Autumn is finally here!


I am so happy that Autumn has finally arrived in my town and county. The cool weather hit us just about two days ago....out of the blue...just like that! Wham! Hot temperatures just the other day, then the cool winds came ( in the right direction to blow out all of the smoke out of the air from the fires) and the day temperatures dropped down 30 degrees! The night temperatures dropped down 20 degrees. We had a frost warning last night! Another frost warning tonite also. The rains came, the beautiful clouds and "FINALLY" leaves started blowing off the trees. The fall colors are not quite here yet, but I can smell "Autumn" in the air! Got out my winter clothes and coats to wash and am packing up my summer clothes. Not enough room in my one bedroom small apartment to have winter and summer clothes available at the same time. As I fold and pack my summer clothes up, it gives me a sense of "closure" and joy, as I look forward to a new time and a changing season in my life.

I truely consider this a miracle, for this has been an incredibly hot summer and it just seemed to last forever and go on and on...with no rain, hot sun every single day...hot nights. I'm very sensitive to the sun and have to be very careful with my health problem. So not only is my spirit and soul happy that Autumn is here, but so is my body!

Autumn is my favorite time of year....the colors are just so beautiful and the leaves fall from the trees passing on and into a new realm of "rebirth", which slowly starts through the winter and then "Springs eternal" with new leaves and new blooms in the Spring. Spring is my second favorite time of the year, of course...:o)...or maybe I like Autumn and Spring equally, not quite sure....either way...neither could survive without the other, when you think about it...

HAPPY AUTUMN EVERYONE!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Music Video "Can you hear the call" by Robert Mirabal...beautiful pics in this.

My Spirit Sore from Marching....Edna St. Vincent Millay Poem




My Spirit, sore from marching
toward that receding west
Where Pity shall be governor,
With Wisdom for his guest:

Lie down beside these waters
That bubble from the spring;
Hear in the desert silence
The desert sparrow sing;

Draw from the shapeless moment
Such pattern as you can;
And cleave henceforth to Beauty;
Expect no more from man.

Man, with his ready answer,
His sad and hearty word,
For every cause in limbo,
For every debt deferred,
For every pledge forgotten,
His eloquent and grim
Deep empty gaze upon you,---
Expect no more from him.

From cool and aimless Beauty
Your bread and comfort take,
Beauty, that made no promise,
And has no word to break;

Have eyes for Beauty only,
That has no eyes for you;
Follow her struck pavillion,
Halt with her retinue;

Catch from the board of Beauty
Such careless crumbs as fall.
Here's hope for priest and layman;
Here's heresy for all.


Edna St. Vincent Millay

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Five Biggest Lies in the Health Care Debate

The Five Biggest Lies in the Health Care Debate

click on this link above....then when you get to the link, scroll down below the photo a wee bit...to read the facts...not the lies, gossips, made up statements that are false, and the false accusations that many are stating as so called "facts".

This is getting so ridiculous, but I at this point am wondering where are the responsible news journalists, reporters on the main networks and CNN? Why are they not checking the "facts" then correcting the false statements on the air that keep being made by people?...Why aren't the main news networks and CNN making the "corrections" and stating the "Facts"???Why aren't they? I'll tell you why. Ratings!! The all mighty dollar! Yep!

These "popular hosts"on other "opinions only" shows... that are trying to get people all stirred up and angry. Because they know people are mad and they want to make them more mad and you know what? It's working! It makes for higher ratings...they get all rapped up in it and seem to be enjoying it. How very sad...well their ratings are going up so hey why not keep letting it rip? Lost your dignity make up lies be on TV be irresponsible tell people lies and have them believe you...I have a question for these "Certain" hosts that don't do news or check facts, but just give their "heated opinions" the so called "talking heads" I include in here too....how do you sleep at night knowing how you are only encouraging people to get more angry and more stirred up by your lies?..and what if people start getting hurt because of what you said? What if it all turns into a revolution of out of control violence? How will you live with yourself?

What has happened to us? Why do we let people who are not even journalist, let alone reporters, give us their warped and wrong opinions and then it's made up as fact? Why are they making so much money from their lies also??? And people believe it (because they are so angry anyway and need to believe it) and then run with it and it just becomes a big mess of petty gossip and here say and people go wild with it out of control!!...almost like the way Hollywood is. Shall we call it "Polliwood"? Meaning> "Politics like Hollywood gossip"... What the heck is happening to us? We need a new news channel called CTFN "Checking the Facts News"...and we need it on every single night to "correct" the misstatements, the false lies, the false accusations.and the threats!...this sure would come in handy about now..no opinions...no charismatic men or women, "losing it" on the air, waving their fists at one another and crying and making out of control faces all the time, or pounding their desk. And every time they ask a person (the guest on the show) a question, interrupting that same person once they proceed to answer the question (I call this a Sean Hannity "Soap Box" maneuver)with any guest that isn't a conservative.....because really they don't want the guest to answer the question they just want to slam anything the guest "starts" to say!

I will tell you that I very rarely watch Fox news and other such TV stations that "Spout off" opinions and false statements and trash people all the time...but I am aware of the shows from watching them in the past....and I do check in from time to time to see what they are doing "now", so that I will know whats going on. I do know that Glenn Beck used to be on the CNN headline news channel and have his own show there and I must say I never saw him being rude, angry or really mean. He was always "Civil"....now look at him? Wow they got him really worked up good and a good controversial TV show that "works", so why not Fox channel? Enjoy the "Show" everyone because that's just what it is...a "show" just like his new book. Money money money.. One thing I do like about MSNBC hosts on their shows though..is they are "polite" and they are "Civil" and they are mature adults.. A few of them do go through "fact checking" on a daily regular basis.....Rachel Maddow and even Keith O...Keith O loses it some times..but he and Rachel Maddow do show press "fact" clips and written statements and video clips of people to "correct" those same people's false statements or "false accusations", including from the liberal left also. They do their homework and do the "bookwork"...liberal or not, they do not just state things of their own all the time from their mouths, they "show" and "correct" statements and check the facts..that's a lot of homework to do don't you think?. And they also let the "other person" (the guest) "speak" without screaming back at or interrupting them all the time...they let them "finish"...most of the time..at least..

I am so tired of all the anger, immaturity, it's so childish and so mean. But it does seem to work doesn't it? And this is what scares me so...naive people who refuse to think for themselves who refuse to "Check out the facts" and just believe whatever they hear as long as it's on "their side" no matter what! Their stubbornness outnumbers us all in their popularity in this country! And the money they make while doing this??? It astounds me!
It's rather a lazy way of living by not learning things for yourself and educating yourself by "looking it up" or whatever...just turn the TV on and listen to your "yes person" and there you go!...no other "facts" or "truths" do they want to read or 'Hear"....no mental or physical energy on their part to use their own brain that was given to them as a precious gift to "learn"...

What are we doing and whom are we fooling? Ourselves or them? Where is our dignity our integrity? Our manners? Our respect for one another? Gone gone with the wind??? sigh.. Okay so I am giving an opinion on here aren't I? Am I a hypocrite?...could be? But I am using my brain and I "Do" look up and check for the "real facts" I don't just believe whatever people tell me. But.......I'm not waving my fists or screaming, or yelling or threatening anyone, or making up false stories and lies to try to make people so fearful...I just want us to "calm down" and have rash peaceful discussions, instead of pointing false accusations and calling one another terrible names and disgracing ourselves...and using Ted Kennedy's death to trample all over him about the health care bill...after his death? My God how terrible how mean...no respect for someone who has just passed on and a whole family has lost him, still in mourning..

I can't go on I am still in disbelief...at this countries attitude towards one another...just because we all have different thoughts and opinions doesn't mean we have to be so cruel and so heartless and so mean and so racist!! Yes I said it...I do feel that some people in this country seem to be terrified of having a black man in the white house as president...they are afraid everything will "change"...well I sure hope everything does "change" and for the better...we've got some huge lessons to learn here everyone!......big huge spiritual lessons...we better get our "sh**" together or else! That song "Teach your children well" comes to my mind..and I wonder "are we"? No, I don't think some parents are teaching their children "well" "By example" at all. Do you? They seem to be only teaching them there is only "one way" and to be angry and mean towards anyone else that thinks or is different. Poor kids learn to be prejudice by the time they grow up...but only if they chose too..once grown up they will either take responsibility for themselves and their actions or they won't!

Okay, I suppose I have been on a soapbox in this post but I'm done now...thank you for your patience of reading this...and "hearing" me...

Blessings,

Rhiannon








Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Passing of Mary Travers....


I am sad about Mary Travers passing. I have quite a few of her own "seperate" albums, none of the Peter, Paul and Mary albums. I learned a lot from Mary's choices of songs and also the ones she wrote. I've always loved her special deep voice.

It was through one of Mary's albums that I learned about the poetry of one of my favorites poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay, from the song Mary sang from a poem of Edna's. On the inside cover photos in Mary's album, was a photo of Edna and Mary had written "read her poems she is wonderful"! The poem Mary made a song out of is titled "Conscientious Objector". I was about 17 or 18 then and right after I bought the album and heard Mary's poem song from Edna, I immediately rushed to the local library and "began" down Edna St. Vincents Millay's journey of wonderful poems. She was born in the late 1800's and lived quite an interesting wild and "Free" kind of life for those days. She had bright red hair and freckles. Edna was the first woman to win a pulitzer prize for her poetry in this country. I have 3 books of her poems..one of them is a huge white book of a collection of almost all of her poems. I have a few of her poems in my archive blog also. In this blog I wrote about Edna's life a bit and her poetry. The poem "Conscientious Objector" is about a young white person, who is being threatened during the civil war by soldiers telling them they must tell them where "The black people are hiding" or they shall be killed. Therefore the person says in the poem basically "I will not tell them which direction they went, nor where they went, I shall die". Edna was pretty much anti-war...and so she wrote these things as each war came upon us and about our history of it also...she was honest and direct and forthright...imagine in those days being anti-war?...must have been very hard and very brave of her. She writes of great beauty and love and about nature and being on ones own "in the moment" and she is very varied in her writings..she is just wonderful.

Back to Mary Travers. I love her versions of a lot of songs. Especially "Indian Sunset" by Elton John and Bernie Taupin..not sure if I spelled Bernie's last name right, sorry. She sang that song as if it was her own. It is profound and beautiful..check that song out and listen to her sing it if you can. You won't be sorry. She sang a few Rod McKuen songs, and also a few of John Denvers, before he became famous as a singer and songwriter. Mary also wrote quite a few songs herself. I'm very happy to have these special albums by Mary Travers. They are very precious to me. She was a great talent in her own right also...most don't know that.

Mary I shall miss you...on the other side of the universe now somewhere singing your heart out to Angels in another "realm" surrounding you in light..in the essence of "forever".

Blessings,


P.S. Thank you to Peter in your comment here, for I had the title wrong (I had written "I shall die") from Edna St. Vincent Millay's poem which is actually titled "Conscientious Objector" not "I shall die"...that statement is stated in the poem but not the title. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and thought "Oh my the name of that poem is 'Conscientious Objector" I screwed up"! My books of poems by MS. Millay are packed away and I knew that just didn't sound right..(plus I was tired and my memory isn't what it used to be) I figured when I woke up in the middle of the night and knew I had made a mistake about the title, that anyone who knows of Edna St. Vincent Millay's body of work, would come in and correct me so thank you Peter!..you got me!...he he..;o)

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Courtship Dance...Robert Mirabal...Live from a 2001 PBS Concert ...Beautiful music and dancing

I cannot believe I finally was able to actually find this live PBS version on youtube!! In 2001 I turned my tv on and there Robert Mirabal was playing his flute and the lovely lady dancing...this was my first experience in witnessing the beautiful music, dancing and storytelling of Robert Mirabal. I've never been the same since. At that time I immediately ordered the PBS VHS live concert of this show,"Robert Mirabal, "Music from a Painted Cave", with "Rare Tribal Mob"..and I also got the CD. I now have many CD's of Robert Mirabal's I've acquired through the years. This song "Courtship Dance" and this live version I never tire of watching or hearing. To me it's just incredibly beautiful, graceful and romantic. He makes his own flutes...all shapes and sizes. Watch all the way through....you don't want to miss it towards the end...believe me! Enjoy, my blog friends...hope you like it as much as I do!

Public Option must be in the Health Care bill...here's why...

Thursday, September 03, 2009

You are loved.........video and song by Josh Groban.

In my times of so many struggles...and in my times of solitude, quiet and also lonliness....I've often felt what this quote below says. I am on a continuous path of growth....of a journey to find who I am. Spirit finds me.

I also thought this song and video by Josh Groban "You are loved" fit the feeling quite well...plus I do love this song and his voice so much...whenever I hear this song on the radio I just stop anything I am doing and quietly listen and then remember that......"I am loved"..... Spirit finds me.

"There is no unassailable solitude. All roads lead to a same point: to the communication of who we are and we must travel across lonely and rugged terrain, through isolation and silence, to reach the "magic zone" where we can dance an awkward dance."

By Pablo Neruda (a thank you to Devika for giving me permission to use this quote from her blog)


Thursday, August 27, 2009

Flyleaf....I just love Lacey's voice...and this song and video.



*This is actually a song about God...not a boyfriend. Lacey and the band are very "Christian" like. This song is about Lacey's suicide attempt in the past and how God apparently "Saved her". Regardless, I really like lacey's voice and style...she and the band are very talented. She has got that special voice, the kind I just love...and a vulnerability about her. The band and guitarist are very very good also. I think I might actually purchase one of Flyleafs CD's when I can budget it in down the road.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Kate Bush...."Deeper Understanding"....she wrote this song in 1989....computers in our lives...ahead of her time as always.



**Turned out I had to purchase the special "discount" laptop at wal mart right away...as they only had one left in the county and I called all over and had them hold it for me while I zoomed over there and bought it! They won't have this deal again for this price! At BestBuy they were selling this same laptop for almost $500.00 through June and July until they ran out! I got mine for $298.00! Well it hurt my pocketbook but I did what I had to do, as I do my banking and important (ongoing) social security stuff online which helps me to not have to run all around town all the time to do all of this "stuff". It will help reduce my stress*.

So, yes computers are good in many ways I must admit. However, through all of the years of hearing this song of Kate Bush's it would always make me stop and ponder...and feel sad too. To think she wrote and sang this 20 years ago! That's Kate for you...always seemed to be ahead of her time.

By the way I have decided to "still' take a "well deserved vacation" (away from blogging) of more time to rest and do whats best for me right now....however I will post some of the music videos that I love and or relate to on my blog....because now that I have a great new laptop pc I can now download videos I love! So, hope you will drop by from time to time to check in and see what kind of "food for thought" video and song I have in here.

Stay calm and stay well dear friends,

Love Rhi

Thursday, August 06, 2009

I'm off on a hiatus...for a while....

Well, dear friends, I'm off on a hiatus...a few months probably. I'll try and stop by and say "hi" on your blogs from time to time. This old pc I've dragged out of storage (because my laptop totally crashed) is barely able to handle the web period. It's windows 98 for heavens sake! It takes me about an hour just to get online and another hour to try to retrieve my e-mails and 2 hours (or more) to even "try" to do a post on my blog. They have a laptop at Walmart now that is running just about $300.00 and I'm going to "try" to put away a wee bit of money each month and hopefully by fall I might be able to purchase this new cheaper laptop. It's actually a pretty good deal, my friend and I have been checking it out and reading reviews of others who have purchased the compaq presario CQ60-419 laptop at wal mart and it's all mostly good reviews!

I've also been in a lot of physical pain and am just trying to push along the best I can take each day as it comes.

Will miss you all...keep your good "True and real" caring blogs up my dear blog friends.

Love and Blessings Always,

Rhi

Friday, July 31, 2009

Ceremonial Burning....You Know Me Not!...

In between the moments
where love has come and gone
I've felt the grace of surrender
through my tears
almost a release
of what has gone by
in my life......

There's been times
I've continously asked "Why, why, why"?
to be oppressed and denied
my own thoughts and feelings
by others naive "assumptions"
"Judgements" and "lectures" of me....
when they Know Me Not!
Nor will they ever it appears...

I got your letter late last night mother.....
After reading your evil sick twisted
fundamental baptist bullshit of "denial"
I printed it out last night
and then ripped it into pieces
and threw it into the trash
trying to get rid of the pain....
I tried to "rise above" this so many times
that I should be elevating above the floor
at this point....

I "allowed" you to lay it on me "again"....
But it still hurt all through the night
and part of me cried inside
"I am your daughter! You have a daughter you haven't seen or known in over 25 years"!!
"You know me Not"!....and you never will...this I accept.....I must...in order to heal....I must..
But waking up this morning that "Wound" still had reopened
and started to fester again.....
so I pulled all the ripped up pieces of your letter
out of the trash, put them all together
knelt down on them
and surrendered you and your letter
up to higher power
the God of my understanding
and the Angels
and to Spirit
much more powerful and forgiving forces
than I......
and I said
"I leave this, my mother and family (by blood)
in your hands to take care of
in whatever way you chose fit to handle it
I surrender to higher power with trust".
"For I chose to no longer carry a burden
that is not mine to bare and never was to begin with".

Then I bunched all the ripped up pieces of the letter in my hand
and had a "Ceremonial Burning".
I put them in a ceramic bowl
and watched the pieces of your letter
burn into ashes...into "oblivion and beyond".

You Know Me Not!

Written by Rhiannon (Barbara R.) July 2009

"It's a real long way to go, to say good-bye,
I thought we already did that, so long tell the world...
well I'll make it, yes, I'm going to make it, one more time..
Well, I made up my mind...I won't be calling
because I think about the heartbroken ones...
oh no you are fading out...
Well I can do it
Well I can make it
yes, I can make it
one more time..
yes, you are fading now
Well it's been a real long way to go
to say good-bye
I thought we already said that
so have fun and tell the world....
Yes, you are fading now...
I'm going to make it..
yes, I'm going to make it
one more time..
oh, yes you are fading now...
so long and tell the world.

*Lyrics above "Long Way To Go" written and sung by Stevie Nicks


*The pic above is of one of my favorite Artist, Native American Indian , Robert Mirabal.
He is a musician, singer, writer, storyteller, dancer, flute maker, and actor*





Saturday, July 25, 2009

Dedicated to my sister...Hold on....I love you..


This post is dedicated to my younger sister "P". This photograph was taken at a wedding shower for me in 1984. My sister was 30 and I was 34. My sister is the "Blonde" on the left and I'm the "Brunette" on the right. Not only were we different in hair color but we are and were as different as night is to day. Yet we've much in common in some ways, as we've both gone through a lot of very difficult "hurts and wounds" throughout our lives. But we each took very very different paths because of them. I didn't know what I could do to help her....and so I did a "fast" today thinking of her and asking for a blessing, that her Guardian Angels be all around her at this time, healing her body, spirit, heart and mind....


Dear Sister,


Know...

that I am thinking of you

every day

my heart yearns

for healing

for you

for both of us

love lost in our lives

knowing

that we both

did try our best

in our own

weird way

to survive

the best we could....

under very very

difficult circumstances....


I am trying

to remember

the good times

with you...

and not the bad....

our trying not to laugh

at the dinner table

knowing full well

that the more we did

the more trouble

we were in....

but we continued

to laugh anyway

kicking one another

under the table..

we laughed so hard

we could barely breath....

yes, those were wild

and crazy times..

our rebellion

is what freed

our hearts....

hard as it may be

for others to understand

we continued on

and did all the things

we were never

"allowed"

to do

before...


All the wild times

and crazy things

that we both did

"together".....

dancing and head banging

the music blasting

letting all our tears

and pain

and fears

fade away

feeling free

in the movements

letting it all

"hang out"....

back then

we knew

it was the only way

to sing

to play

to dance

the pain away...

we paid for it

dearly...

and we knew

we would

but we did it anyway....

it was worth it....

wasn't it?


As time went on

our journeys

went down seperate paths

along different directions

in our travels in life

and now we've come

to another hurdle

the most difficult kind.....

I shed tears

and remember

the good times...


Remembering and hoping

for new times

for a new day

in the dawning

of softer rhymes

for a new beginning

in a new way

for you...


Please know.....

that I love you....

and I do forgive you....

don't give up....

Hold on....


Love,


Your Sister

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Happy 4th Blog Anniversary to me!



It's now official! I started this blog 4 years ago this month of July! It seems even longer than that...for some reason. So I hope you all will drop by and post a comment, maybe having a thought or two about first connecting with my blog and I...or just your thoughts about our friendships through the years... or just to drop by and say "Hi" and wish me a Happy 4th Blog Anniversay"!
It's amazing how I still have many of my orginal (from the beginning) blog friends that have stuck with me "through and through" all this time. Being there for me through the good and the bad, the thick and thin. Some people came and went...and then there are my fairly new blog friends within 6 months to one year ago. I feel very blessed and priviledged to have gotten to know all of you and I want to thank all of you for the many blessings of being my dear blog friends.
Some of you are on the other side of the world in another country. I thank you for the ones across the country and across the world that have snail mailed me, written wonderful Birthday greetings with beautiful cards and wonderful hand written thoughts. Along with beautiful surprising gifts some of you have sent to me! "Dreaming Firefly", all the way from Singapore, you have been such a loving, supportive and kind friend to me from the very beginning. I will never forget you. SiSstar Kylita, thank you from the bottom of my heart! You have been so incredibly thoughtful. and such a good friend to me. Carolyn all the beautiful 8 "special" Angel figurines are so very beautiful I love them, along with the other suprises you sent me! Thank you so much for being so thoughtful and I will take very precious care of your precious angels. Kerry, Carolyn, Ardi, Sister Anne, Lydia, Sarah, David, a very special thanks! David is a very talented poet and you can find his blog on my blog list of friends to the left of my blog, click on "Uncle David". He sent me one of his books "The Trinity" a book of "Poetry and Art". He is a very very talented man...born to be a poet. He address's all the aspects of life. "The Trinity" is an incredible book of poems and my favorite poem in there David is "The American Killer". You can find this poem in his blog in his archives.
This is such a treasure when I receive these personal touches along the way. Some of you are on the other side of the U.S...not many of you are very close by me or near my state at all....two I think...but you are all very close to me in my heart. We all have built a very special bridge of friendship, love and communication all the way across the world.!...our paths have met along this bridge of kindness, understanding, friendship and love.


THANK YOU...EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU....LET'S CELEBRATE SOMETHING GOOD! MY BLOG ANNIVERSAY!

Love and Blessings,

Your loyal friend, Rhi

Monday, July 06, 2009

The Fox and the Child...I watched this tonite..wonderful

I watched this beautiful movie tonite. I just loved it. At the end of the movie I felt the childs last words were so true...it made me cry and smile at the same time. Watching this movie reminded me in some ways of me as a child and young teen when we always went camping, whether the forest or the desert. My parents were always fighting and yelling and I would walk away from the campsite for a mile or two and find myself in some "Enchanted land". Where I always felt such peace and serenity and would look at the beauty around me and talk to the little animals. I never felt scared, instead it felt the "safest" place for me to be in the world. I always felt such a connection. I have stayed this way ever since a child...my connection with nature has never left me...it frees my spirit.

I miss not being able to go out to the ocean or country much. I miss the ocean so very much! But I can take walks and look up at the beautiful trees and the beautiful sky and feel the wind in my face and hair and I am happy. I look out my apartment window and there are these cute squrriles that come up to the window every day..and believe it or not there are these two bluebirds that I talk to from the window and I swear they come right up near the window and look up at me and yes "MY CAT" too!...who is sitting on the window seal. They have kind of become our friends. Oh, did I mention the two ducks that fly over to the lawn ( I have no clue where they fly from there is no body of water near that I know of) and they come "Quacking" up to the window too. I talk to all of these creatures as I always have. I know it's strange but it's always been this way with me and all the creatures and animals.

What a wondrous movie. I'm so glad I decided to pick this one to rent at blockbusters. It reminded me of my innocence and the freedom I used to feel in my difficult childhoold... I had found a "safe place" to go and temporarily a way to walk away from all the dysfunction. I would highly recommend renting this beautiful movie to all my blog friends.

Blessings,

Rhi

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson...gone too soon.

























A Sad Good-Bye...and Dedication...




Two Souls above

Flying with wings

So strong

and brave

with Love...

Flying with wings

that Whisper

of all your Beauty

that touches the sky

as Heaven Sings...




May your Angels greet you with open arms on the other side.


Love, Rhi


Written by Rhiannon June 25th, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Mysterious side...had fun making this collage..


I had fun sitting on the floor just fiddling around making this collage today.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fathers Day Requital...thoughts about my father..




Am I to spend my life
constantly
facing my fears?
yet unable still to shed
any tears?...

No rest for the weary
and now
Father's Day
is here.....
only another reminder
of the things
in life
that I hold so dear
have never
really been
there
nor here
for me...
my existence
is in a wide space of time
yet crowded
in eternity
with the endless
timeless
rhymes....

I yearn oh how I yearn
to set you free
to let me be
to be removed
far from your memory
and the lack of love
and care...
but this day
only reminds me
each and every year
no matter
how hard I try
I'm still unable
to shed a tear...

I await for this day
to be over
and done
observing
all the celebrations
of love and fun...
yes...
I admit
like the song says
"She's come undone"....

I'm not your "Baby Doll"
and I never was
I hate your old refrain
because....
no matter what you said or say
it's always been the same...
because you know
I would never play
your hurtful hateful games...


Written by Rhiannon (Barbara) June 21st, 2009
@copyrights owned by Barbara
** Sorry SisStar Kylita, I know I'm a member of the "SisStar" of the C.O.D.E (childless orphaned daugthers evolving) but I'm hoping what I wrote in this post is just part of my "evolving"...a learning growing process as we both know.**

Friday, June 12, 2009

Silent Shores....



Silent shores
are beckoning
as echoing souls
carry me away
drifting
into a smiling wave
that crashes
over me
into eternity
and sets me free.

Written by Rhiannon (Barbara) June 2006 *Copyrights owned by Barbara*

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Jewels beautifully written book "Chasing down the Dawn....


I was unpacking some of my books last week and found this beautiful book written by Jewel I had bought years ago. At that time I had only read just a few tidbits from the book...but in the last week, every night at bedtime I get comfy and have found myself reading it from the very beginning of the first page. I discovered Jewels first cd "Pieces of you" way before it got any airplay, I saw her on some local PBS show singing with Melissa Etheridge and Melissa introduced Jewel to do one of her "own songs" and Melissa said "you'll be hearing from this great artist soon she is making a cd now a great talent with a beautiful voice"...so I listened to Jewel singing this beautiful song in her beautiful voice titled "Foolish Games" and I was blown away! I thought "okay I've got to find where I can get her cd"!.. and it took weeks of calling around and then ordering the cd and I played it all the time. Then about a year later "wham" she's all over the radio. I love her song "Foolish Games" it's so incredibly heartfelt and honest.
Jewel's writing in "Chasing down the Dawn" is incredibly honest, pure, beautifully poetic and descriptive of her life as a child in Alaska, no electricity, no tv, no bathroom, a very rough life, yet you can tell it made her who she is today. She writes of living in her van, being so poor she could not get any medical help for her chronic kidney problems. Her mother traveled some with her and would encourage her and support what Jewel wanted to do in her writing and singing. She writes of life on the road doing concerts all over the world, she writes so "Flowing" of her experiences meeting people from all walks of life, her very difficult relationship with her father and how he finally was willing to acknowledge and open up to her in his own way and to learn from his mistakes and improve his ways. This is wonderful when a parent can and is "willing" to do this when the child becomes an adult...it's so much easier to heal when you know your wounds and "hurt" are not only being acknowlegled but that person who hurt you changes and heals also.
Jewel is also a very good artist, her drawings in this book fit what she is expressing in her writing about.. and I just love the way she shares so much of her heart and so connected with nature "as God" and how she is most definitely her own "person" and follows her own heart and instinct and has known who she is since a very young child. Her mother taught her these things as a child, that it is not only "okay" to be who she is but also to listen to her own "inner voice".
I highly recommend this book. It is something very different not something you would find usual or common....it's very very much like a poetic diary journal. If you end up reading this book and like it, I highly recommend her first book, "A night without armor", it's full of beautiful poems she wrote. I like that Jewel is so feminine and there is this essence and grace about her the way she carries herself...and her great spirit is so strong and so brave...you don't have to look or act "tough" or bitchy or "macho" in order to have strength of character. and speak "Your truth"....never judge a book by it's cover...but judge by the grace of inner strength and beauty from the "inside"....Jewel never sold out I don't care what anyone says...she's decided to keep her tooth crooked that some people make fun of or think now that she has lots of money she should "fix it"..well I think she is keeping what the divine blessed her with, she is staying true to herself. She lives on a ranch with her "rodeo" husband "Ty" and she doesn't really get into the hollywood deal and likes ranching and being out in the country...
From Jewels book "Chasing down the dawn" and finding her "inner voice" at a very young age.
"I learned to keep an ear turned always inward, to track and dialogue with that inner voice. I often found the voice within me possessed a wisdom or peace beyond my years or experience. During stressful times I would take great solace retreating inside. I felt things would be "okay". My mother encouraged me to turn my ear to the subtle voice that was inside me. Without her encouragement I'm sure I would have become numb to it."
"There were times when I lost touch with the voice. It felt like losing the compass by which I have always navigated . There have been times when I have lost trust and faith in my own intuition and tumbled around aimlessly, like a ship tossed against the rocks of other people's opinions and criticisms. Writing has helped me immeasurably. What I feel most deeply surfaces when I write. It is a very tangible way to see what inwardly has no form"
"I sit in silence each day for one to two hours, not to pray or meditate, though it may be like that. It is to sit in communion with myself. A dialogue inwardly, to dream new dreams, to redream old ones. To update old habits or thought processes that no longer serve me, to contemplate the source and the wonder of all things."
"I'm getting better at hearing my voice. I'm learning that the more I make decisions from my gut, regardless of statistics or popular opinion, the happier I am with the outcome...the more the outcome looks like who I am, not what I feel obligated to be".
Written by Jewel in 2000-2001

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Another Parallel Universe? The story of Hugh and Mark Everette. Science and also helping heal those wounds..check this out...very interesting!



I saw this show NOVA/Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives/PBS last night on PBS. It's about Mark Everette, the son of Hugh Everette, the scientist who started the theory of Quantum Physics, that there is a parallel universe!. I was so intrigued watching this show....another dimensional world we might live in! I actually found this documentary to be rather a spiritual experience for me. Mark is in an alternative band and is a song writer and singer. They show a few clips of him on stage singing a song about his father and such. This whole documentary revolved around Mark going around the country to visit different people (some very famous scientist and such) Universities and places where his father made history. He had very interesting chats with his fathers friends and fellow scientist. Mark also shares about his families "complex" problems...he is the only family member left now.

Mark decided to take this "Journey" so he could really get to know his father in a better way and to understand him. His father died at the age of 51 of a heart attack from way too much smoking and drinking. Mark was just 18 when he found his fathers body when he died. Mark see's that whether he likes it or not, how he is like his father in many ways. I found this whole story of Mark's family history and what his father was like when Mark was a young boy growing up very fascinating! I was spellbound by Marks speaking his thoughts about the past, his conversations with so many that worked and knew his father way back "when". Also Mark finally deciding to go through boxes and records and even old tapes of taped conversations his father made. I hope you will take the time to read this PBS web site page above and also you can watch the whole PBS show from last night if you want to. I only happened upon this show on PBS accidentally.

**Note** I just checked the tv guide listings for PBS..."Parallel world, Parallel lives" will run again on PBS on May 23rd, Saturday at 10:00 pm. At least that's what it states for my area. So, check your local PBS listings for Saturday night. PBS also has it listed to run on May 21st on Thursday at 2:00 am...so check for that early morning also..if you can manage to stay up that late or record it. It will be worth it. It's supposed to run on Sunday the same early morning time also..

I guess you had to be there...as I'm sure this post will not be able to give you the rave review that this documentary deserves...so please check it out at the web site above.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Mark Farner and Grand Funk Railroad music videos....lets go back in time and really Rock Out!

The second video (bottom one) below is "Inside looking out" one of my favorite songs by Grand Funk Railroad..it's live era 1969! Sorry I meant to post this video first but it came out at the bottom for some reason! Please play this video first! It's the very first song I ever heard by them. I first discovered Mark and Grand Funk Railroad in the late 60's on an "underground FM radio station" growing up in Los Angeles county. I discovered most of my favorite rock groups and other artists from that radio station during that era time frame.

The other artist I discovered in the late 60's through the underground FM radio station were Andy Warhol and Velvet Underground, Nico, Laura Nyro, Melanie, Alice Cooper. The DJ did a lot of talk radio interviews with a lot of these artist he played, combined with their music. His name was "Elliot Menz" who later became John and Yoko's manager. John and Yoko were on Elliots radio show a lot having late night "chats". Each time I would hear a new artist I really liked on there (while listening very late at night) I would then go out the next day and search all over for their albums. Not always easy when they were not very popular and basically had no airplay on radio "pop" stations! But I would always manage to find their albums and I still have all of those albums! I had a wonderful encounter with John and Yoko at a mall in the early 70's...and had met Jim Morrison and the doors also..of course I've already posted that info way back in my blog archives...so I won't "go there" again.

Grand Funk Railroad got their name from their musical works often sounding a lot like a train locomotion. They got their fans from other places, like (as I mentioned) underground rock stations , their concerts, which sold out all the time too. I went to a 1972 Grank Funk Railroad concert with some friends and my sisters. I dragged them along, had extra tickets. They complained the whole drive to the forum. They did not want to go and were not into GFR but frankly they had never taken the time to ever listen to them....so, 30 minutes into the concert I wasn't surprised to watch them head banging their brains out! They loved them! We could not hear for a few hours after the concert was over. Sound system wooo hooo. I went to many many rock concerts in those days but GFR was the most unforgettable and most fun ever (other than the doors playing in concert at my high school gym)...GFR were better live than on vinyl! Just the best guitar licks, vocals, drums, harmonica, etc..

So, in the second video "Inside looking out" take the time to listen through the whole song...it's very very long and towards the middle and up to the end the guitar work is just amazing for back then! Be patient. Of course I love the whole video. It's all still brand new to me as I watch and listen..I never tire of it. The band is my favorite hard rockin band (other than the doors and velvet underground, Lou Reed).... Mark Farner is still my favorite guitarist, he's got his own unique style and I love his voice and he is still rockin after all these years. They are trying to vote Mark and GFR into the rockin hall of fame but they still have not done it..it amazes me as Mark and GFR were and "still" are incredibly talented musicians.

The first video below (top one) is the song "Heartbreaker" done live in 1989 by Mark Farner and his own band. He does some fantastic guitar work in this one towards the middle!! Incredible! I found Mark Farner doing the "Heartbreaker" song live in a youtube 2004 video...but the picture was so wobbly and the music kept cutting off...but Mark still does great work today and looks fantastic for a man in his 60's!! Rocking out keeps you young (at least it does me) and Mark may have less hair on the top (but long in back) but his body is even more lean now and he still has those muscles in his arms and he still wears his armband...and most of all he's "Still got it"! If you don't believe me go check him out on youtube. So in the the first live concert song here "Inside looking out" Mark was 19 or 20 in 1969...and in the second video song "Hearbreaker" it's Mark 20 years later 1989. I thought he sounded even better and his guitar licks were more evolved. GFR changed their name to Grand Funk later in the "mid 70's and turned more "pop" which I didn't care for...that was not the "real thing" for them..never was I feel. Mark stopped his drug taking a long time ago and became a born again "Christian"...however he became an open and "into the environment, and "all my brothers and sisters" type Christian...he sets a good example of what a good Christian might be...he is a very open, loving, truthful, honest "up front" type of man.

Funny, how I do love the old rock but I also love a lot of new rock, alternative, pop too..I just like to keep evolving. I guess I've always been a rebel at heart. Oh my mother hated that about me. I was so "evil" listening to that "Sick evil music" she used to say. Well I don't think I turned out too bad considering I had a mother like her! I was curious and always open to new and different and eclectic kind of music. My friends used to tell me that I should have become a record producer because I would recognize talent, a new group or some musical artist before anyone around me knew who they were. I would find and buy their first album and play it all the time and say to anyone who would listen "they will become famous in a few years"....and they almost always did...this still happens to me. I think nickelback, smashing pumpkins, Linkin park is very good...coldplay, the killers, eve 6, the frey. I like quite a few Eminems songs. I'm kind of all over the map when it comes to music, and I loved the 80's mtv "big hair" music videos...Sting, Peter Gabriel, David Bowie, ABC, flock of sea gulls. They were very creative with their music videos then, they had "stories" to them like little "movies". I'm not into country though...sorry people...:o( ....but I do love Keith Urbans "I'm going to love you like nobody's loved you making memories of us"...ooooh. Hope you'll take the time to listen to GFR's two whole videos songs here (give them a chance) and let me know what you think?...I'd be very curious and interested to know. Rock out!...I hope you enjoy them. Remember to please play the second video at the bottom "first"...then play the first one at the top...or heck play the first one first if you want...then compare the two...such a talent...at least in my opinion..