Sunday, June 27, 2010

Packing for my move upstairs to the 3rd floor...

Sorry, I've not posted for a while. I've been working on my moving....packing up my smaller items in boxes and the rest will be going up the elevator to the 3rd floor. I am very happy about my "success" in fighting for my rights "legally" to move up to the 3rd floor in a "corner" apartment so no one will be next to my bedroom and since the 3rd floor is the top floor no one will be above me "stomping" and "booming" to the bathroom the whole night through, weighing over 300 lbs. and on a walker! Sleep deprivation can really be hard on one's life. I have been on the top of the list for the first apartment available from the first person that moves from the 3rd floors....been waiting since October of last year. The man above me (second floor) really needs to be in a care facility and if there is a fire here he will not be able to get out...but he refused to move and threatened the Housing authority "legaly" if they made him...poor fellow he would be much better off on the bottom floor not only for others sake but for his own safety and not being above anyone to make so much noise so he wouldn't have to worry or stress out about that...of course he apparently hasn't seemed worried for many many years now, that he bothers anyone since he refused to move all these years here..from what I'm oh well...won't be my problem anymore, but I do worry for the next person they move in here..people are trying to warn others not to move into my apartment below him. All I know is that I am the one that made my move happen...when it was stated that this man above me has "legal rights" I asked if I had any "legal rights" also? And then I took action with officially polite typing up "professional and legal" type looking letter's with names, dates, times, the county housing authority and the "paper trail" and standing up for myself in a polite and tactful but "assertive" way......there was a lot of "Intimidation" from them and the manager here...but what else is new?....been doing it for years it's nothing new and it does contribute to a lot of my stress level, just like so many other single women I have met in this country struggling through "battles" and being "warriors" facing those fears and the "fire of intimidation" that this country seems to be so good at...that we all would prefer not to "go there"....but must....not met many men at all that ever stand up for themselves or take any "action"'s so weird....however have met a lot of men who want women to "help" and "take care of them"...pitiful....a lot of women will do this though..because they are "afraid" to be alone. I'm okay being alone "with me"...Most of the time I am not afraid to be alone at all...but I would prefer for some of these people to just "leave me alone"...HA!

I don't think that just because a person is living at the poverty level (on their own single woman or a man) that they should have to fight so hard just to have the right to live and have no idea what it takes...and I am telling you as a person who "is" and continues to fight for her rights, there is something very very wrong with this country and the intimidation that is going around in life and in politics also...enough said! It absolutely sickens me..the "useless red tape" and the intimidation...if you only sickens me. Being disabled here in this country, often is a full time's just crazy I mean really...all the things we must do makes our stress level so high whatever is wrong with us gets worse! cannot begin to imagine...and since so many "assume" there is some family member helping you with all this stuff..when if your alone you do not have that your working and pushing yourself when your not even supposed to...pretty crazy...I could write a book about all this believe me...but I think for people to understand they would have to go through it themselves in order to "get it"...experience what it's like.

I will be moving up to my 3rd corner apartment mid will post more down the road again....let's see many times have I had to move since my divorce and I've been single?...hmmm....12 times in the last 13 years since my divorce. yep! And I've always done most of the moves all by myself paying double rent for both places because it took me so darn long to's amazing how many things I have crammed into my little car all these years...driving back and fourth back and's unbelieveable ...then when doing all that I would then look in the paper and hire some "stranger" man with a truck to take things I would just be unable to lift or put in my a bed, loveseat, I've got a large elevator to carry my belongings up to the 3rd great is that?...this time I've got about 6 people here at this apartment complex that are going to be helping me move the top of the "hill" !...."start spreading the news I'm leaving today"....."If I can make it here I can make it anywhere it's up to you New York New York" he.....:o)...not moving to New York but that song and "I did it my way" (that is so my song!) by Frank always come to my mind when I make things happen and accomplish great "deeds" and large miracles..and I actually get through them! "I've been a pauper, a poet a king and a queen, and I know one thing"....."each time I find myself falling flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race, yes that's life, that's what the people say"....oh yeah Frank's song always says a lot to me and the things I've been through in my thing I do know is that I am so "Tired" so very very "tired" so things can't get any worse but only better, looking "up" at the night sky soon from my 3rd floor apartment...oh yeah!

Also we've got my sister into a "month to month" nice little apartment through HUD as she waits on the section 8 housing list for a permanent place to live down the road...and also got her on medicaid so she can get the help she so desperately needs right now...She got vouchers from St. Vincent De paul and a place here called "Access" it's a charity that people donate all kind of things like furniture, food, clothing...with these "vouchers" through these organizations she now has something to sit on, a bed to sleep on and a kitchen to cook in.

I've about burned both of my candles long long time ago...but I just keep going....not much choice...but in the long run I do realize I did make a survive...never in my entire life have I seen so many people and especially so many women with "nothing" give up on their own lives, without even trying to make some kind of effort...

Stand tall stand tall, yes indeed, Joan of Arc knew it all along...often you stand alone and must be the warrior of your life, heart, soul, body and mind...

Love and Blessings to all, from an exhausted but feeling "empowered" sister says "hi" to all my blog friends too.

P.S. My friend and I are slowly mending fences and healing wounds. It's not like it was before, which is a good sign for me. I am this time learning to know what I feel and want in my life at this point when it comes to relationships. And respect goes a long way for me when it comes to a man treating me right! Of course I am trying to respect and see the other side of things in regards to him and his feelings...if it doesn't go both ways, then things like this just don't work. I see him changing and treating me differently now and it makes me day at a time.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

It's the "two of us" once again...he and I are taking one day at a time...but we are both life is changing for the better.

Stevie Nicks with Bruce Hornsby singing a duet "Two kinds of Love", a song from Stevie's album "The other side of the mirror".

"Ooh, the two of us, outraged at each other and engaged to each other in their hearts.........but they live apart".................."two kinds of for the way you walk and one for the way you love me".

Friday, June 04, 2010

Conduct and Instruct.....this poem I wrote 4 years ago seems to still be our countries same ole biggest issue...Intolerance!

Conduct and Instruct

Tell me your Reality?
How it should be?
State your case
step by step
Institute the lies
that fit your needs
state them over and over
sew your seeds
Conduct and Instruct....

Dare someone ask a question?
Or have a different opinion
or thought?
what would your response be?
"you just don't see" you say..
"I only see your eyes closed
and your ears covered" I replied...

Conduct your own Orchestra
and Instruct the notes
to be all the same
with fixed cemented brains
that never ravel
or veer in another direction
no Connection
Closed in
tightly wound
and never found...

Written by Rhiannon May 18th, 2006 *Copyrights owned by Barbara* (Rhiannon)