Monday, December 12, 2011

It's just too much...being in "the system of poverty" is killing me.



Life has gone astray
difficult changes
in so many subtle shades of grey

My life  is endless errands
with deadlines and paperwork
"the system" it never ends.....
I'm so tired....
then to try to rest in between
this is my life now.....

But my soul yearns
to play
oh,  when will I be able to say
"I"m FREE now to chose "when"
in my own time
to the quiet
and thoughtful "Rhymes"
to come to me
to come my way
once again.....

Oh, yes, how my soul yearns to play
please let it open once again
let time stand still
to give me the peace
to write and feel
and to let my souls pen
"Free flow"
once again.


I feel as if I'm owned 
and must follow all rules..
too many responsibilities...
too much for one person to handle...
Tomorrow they will come 
and do the apartment inspections
going through cabinets
looking in my bedroom
and closet 
among other things..
I'm being invaded
my sense of privacy
and to "chose" is gone
because no matter
how hard I tried
for many years...
I became poor
and disabled..
I'm living in the "Survival mode"
every day....so tired..
push yourself beyond your limits
almost every single day Rhiannon..
this is your life...


Anyone who thinks it's "easy" 
to be poor, not enough food,
and not enough time
and not enough freedom
to "chose" "when" 
but instead to always
have to "Jump"!!!.....
Yes,  like the Van Halen song says
"Might as well JUMP, might as well JUMP"
this song comes to my mind all the time
now that I am "owned"
and "in the system"...
it feels like it's killing me....
 I know I am grateful 
I know I should be
and I am...but...it's so hard..
I don't think most people
would even have a clue
unless it happens to them..
Only then you'll know...
I tried so hard 
to keep this from happening to me
I tried with everything in me
for years....
it's taking away "my life"....
but there it is....
it's called "Survival of the fetus"
and this is the story of  my life...
and has been for a long time now....
sorry to say the truth 
but they say the truth 
shall set you free
yet I don't feel  "free to be"..............
Might as well "Jump" 
because I have to anyway
yes...it's always something
it never ends.
I'm so tired....


Multi-tasking is not "Normal" 
it's not..
we've gone to far with it..
and I'm no good at it at all..
my brain is constantly frazzled 
with it all.


I still won't give up
on hope, change
and my dreams
to happen....one day...yes maybe one day.


"Thoughts" by Rhiannon Dec.  12th, 2011
 

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Kate Bush - Rubberband Girl (Official Video) love Kate dancing in this one.....it's so fun and unique

Monday, October 10, 2011

Stevie Nicks: Love Is (Live @ Madison Square Garden) video wiggles a little but she is wonderful singing my fav song live...she is still beautiful as ever...

March of 2011 live, she sings this song so heartfelt...please be patient someone did this video with their digital camera, so it wiggles in the middle on and off but there are some great closeups of her singing one of my very favorite songs by her.  Oh, my dear Stevie,  another "Gypsy Soul" still evolving.  Who would know you are 65 years old?....yet so young at heart....and so very beautiful on the inside also...yet,  an old soul for sure. 

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Freeze frame this moment...


Freeze frame this moment


Sometimes I find those most profound thoughts
that enter my mind
begin in early dawn
Those free phrase words
that flow through my fingers
from pen to paper
with curtains drawn
Freeze frame this moment
for a stargazer
who's been closed in for the night
as dawn spreads her light....



*Written By Rhiannon (Barbara) *Copyrights owned by Rhiannon*

Monday, May 02, 2011

Poem titled "Games".....some food for thought....


I wrote this poem many years back..yet it still rings true..if anything even more than ever!....so sit back and read it and try if you can to be "in the moment" today...Blessings, Rhi


Briefcases attached to our skin...
polished shoes
hair neatly trimmed..
going our own way
can't keep up...
Isn't that what we all say?...

Were running around and around
our minds are spinning
sit quietly down..
now can you hear them?
the birds are singing
the breeze in the trees
their talking to us...
be still if you please.

Look around you
look at all of us..
what are we doing?
and whom are we fooling?
Our lives are like ants
carrying such worry on our backs..
were like trapped mice
on a wheel we spin..
we lock our doors
no one is allowed in.

Honking horns engines rattling
brakes are screaching
time to slow it all down
time to make a change
time for us to see things more clear...
eyes wide open
but we don't see it
nor hear...
Listen...if it all stops...
just for a minute
the soft sound of silence
our hearts gently beating..
the soft sounds of life
within our hearts and souls
peace within
to make us feel whole..

If only we stop and hear the silence
maybe in this world
we could stop all this violence...
the warmth of love and beauty
true hearts beating
to the echo of laughter
instead of hate
if only we would do this
if only we could try...
there's hope for us yet
but it's up to you and I...

*"Sweet Serenity" Painting by Joyce Birkenstock
*Text graphics in the Artwork done by Rhiannon

*Poem written By Rhiannon (Barbara R.) 2004 *Copyrights* owned by B.R.

Friday, April 15, 2011

America is not the world - Morrissey

This is some good for thought...are our "American heads" to big, too egotistical to angry?

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Life goes on....I have not been able to post comments on others blogs.

Hi, all my dear blog friends.  For some reason I have not been able to post any comments on your blogs for a while now.  I write a comment but then it never goes all the way through the process for some reason.  Hope it's not my computer!  Anyway, I am sorry for not being able to stop by and connect with many of you of late.  I have tried but hopefully I will get this all figured out.

Things are getting better with my former male friend and I since the break up.  When we run into one another (here at our apartment complex) we are able to have casual conversations and say "Hi, how are you doing"?...and such.  So, that is good news for me.  In time this shall improve.  I realize that we can never "be" and yet am not angry with him much anymore...more hurt a bit still but the wounds are better.  I miss all the things we had in common to share about, but just goes to show that you can have everything in common and yet still have "serious issues" due to certain things, unwilling to  really communicate in the most important ways, personalities, great stubbornness and certain issues one has and the way one treats you and such.  None of us are perfect, but I had to make a very  important decision for me, and my life is the better for my decision.   

My sister and I are getting on okay.  She and I can talk and share more and do the "remember when this happened"?...and such..more the funny crazy family stuff when we were kids..but also we are now able to share about the bad and really scary stuff and the constant abuse we had to grow up with.   My sister has a nice boyfriend and I'm getting to know him.   Actually my sister and I met him at a used store he was managing here in town, about a month after my sister moved here.  He helped us put some things into my car, he came out and talked with us.   I just had a  "hunch" they would get together...so they have known one another a little less than a year now. It will be a year come May that she has lived in town and I just can't believe it.  Finally more stability for her in her life. He seems to be a good guy...and he and I get along like a brother and sister.  It's amazing how many "adopted" type brothers I have, ha ha!  I've always wanted to have a brother ever since I was a child and now it's like I've got more than one!  He is a gentlemen (hard to come by these days in the single world believe me!) and we have mutual artist interest.  He is very interested in my artwork and he is starting up a business online and such about art galleries and such.  We will be talking about it more as I am working on showing him all of my artworks in my portfolio.  No rush, no hurry.  I feel good that he will and is treating my sister good.  He is "there" for her...another thing that is hard to come by as a single woman also!  I tell her to not take advantage of it or him and to always appreciate him being there for her.  So far, that has not happened to me in all the 15 years since my divorce....which is why I pretty much learned how to cope and deal with "everything" myself all these years...it's been an uphill battle and it tires me so at times.  But I am a survivor, but continually ask myself why things are still this way for me?  Maybe just accepting that I must push myself constantly in order to survive is what I must do or maybe try somehow to make life more "fun" for me.  I take each day at a time.  I won't ever just "be" with someone for the sake of not wanting to be alone...there has to be something very  "special" there or not at all.  I do find when I stand up for myself or speak up about problems or issues that's when men get upset with me in man woman type relationships...and I am a very sensitive and caring person, so I don't scream or yell,  I always try to communicate what I'm feeling is happening and want to talk about the problem or "issue"...but for some reason that doesn't work with the very view men that I've loved or met in meaningful ways....they walk away...I've met a lot of women who chase men around and even stalk them and I am thinking to myself "my oh my, I guess this is what men like"?...I really haven't a clue at this point.

Love you all,


Love and Peace for this whole crazy world of ours!  We cannot give up on life.  Miracles happen every day.  

Love,

Rhiannon

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Happy Spring everyone! Hoping for more peace and love to keep us connected together during such turmoil in the world.

"The ultimate measure of a person is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand at times of challenge and controversy".


Martin Luther King

Sunday, March 06, 2011

My sister and friends are throwing me a party on my 60th Birthday!

I'm looking forward to my Birthday party.  It will be the first Birthday party thrown for me in the last 15 years!!...and I'm finally up for a celebration.  I will blow out 6 candles only though, not 60!  I hope all my friend will be able to fit into my small apartment...not enough chairs, so some will be sitting on the floor.  My sister has been putting the party together and I don't have to do anything she says...wow...that's a first...I just get to sit back and relax!  I've mostly spent the last 15 of my Birthdays alone and every once in a while I would buy myself a little cake and put a candle on it and sing happy birthday to myself...I was okay with that though...I've learned being on your own for so long to embrace the silence and precious time to myself...I still need this and always will...but I am looking forward to knowing I actually have true friends and that I have my sister in my life now.  Kind of a real little family in my life now.  A definite reason to celebrate!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Kate Bush - Hello Earth / The Morning Fog

The two songs by Kate put together in one video above...Incredibly beautiful

The second song in this video above, "Morning Fog",  is a wonderful epilogue completion to the first song, "Hello Earth"....just hauntingly beautiful, with the two songs put together so well in this video.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Jennifer Warnes - Easy To Be Hard

Couldn't think of a better song to post with the horrific shootings in Arizona...Jennifer Warnes - Easy To Be Hard

Lets stop all the hate and anger and ease into peace and love...it's definitely time to wake up out of our deep sleep of denial, hatefulness and the "blame game" of this constant finger pointing.....Let's come together once again...time to move towards a much more peaceful time....of love, understanding and compassion for one another.  Take a stand and choose peace over discord, hate and division. "Dream on" to a real reality of "The Dream"....and it will be...you'll see...............be a part of it all...and don't just look the other way...or we will never make the "changes" that are needed in this country and the world.

Love and Blessings to all,

Love Rhiannon