Thursday, November 16, 2017

Me Too!

I have many stories to tell and many stories I can relate to what so many women are saying now and going through.  I have lost count how many times I have been "grabbed" and "groped" by men. Most of these men had "power" i.e. an attorney, a police officer, a "Christian minister"..on a date with a fairly well off man who owned a company..etc..etc. Since my divorce in the last 24 some years, I have been sexually assaulted by men of "power"...I had to play "the actress" and not show my fear. I wrote a poem about it called "the actress" in 2007 after being raped. If you know you can't physically fight back because they are twice as big and stronger than you, you do what you have to do to "survive" and "stay alive".  The times I often spoke up, I have been threatened by them, claiming no one would believe me or they would "destroy" me if I said anything. Sound familiar? I always knew that my not having any family around and some of these men knowing this, they thought they could get away with it, as they saw me as "vulnerable".  All of these men were very "alpha male" and when I stood up for myself or got out of the situation, they would continue to threaten and intimidate me.



I have also been "bullied" and "threatened" by women bullies too. My own younger sister (a sociopath who acts very much like Trump does) has left me horrible threatening phone messages, written me long hand written hate filled letters claiming to be a "Christian" and saying horrible things about me and threatening me. She is so sick. I was totally there for her but she never acknowledged it. When I spoke up to her after she has threatened me she lies to everyone. She is very sick and twisted. At least my mother, my older sister (the one who took over my whole Dad's will and is getting everything by controlling my mother) won't have anything to do with my younger sister. She has threatened them also. I've had to call the police about my younger sister. She is very very vindictive and twisted. Every time I hear Trump say certain things I think "he sounds just like her"!..

Where I live through HUD my apartment complex I've had death threats against me for reporting their drugs and behavior and threats towards me. Women and men. I know my family could care less about me and I've never ever had the chance to really connect with them so I could share these stories with them. they wouldn't be supportive anyway and would just brush it off. I've been dealing with a lot of this in therapy for the last 2 years.  The therapist took the time to listen and let me share my thoughts and hurts and "wounds". I have found that the people that care the least about me are "blood relative family members". They all call themselves "Christians" and judge me and tell me what I need to do think or be. They told me off when they asked me if I was going to vote for Trump and I told them "No"..they sent e-mails and lectures and mean phone messages telling me I was "going to hell" and a horrible "Left liberal" who they thought were "ALL" horrible people. Only "Their rights and their beliefs mattered..not mine...think about it? I've been dealing with a sick twisted family for my whole adult life. They will NOT allow me to have my own opinions..I don't want to go on about them much now..it hurts too much. But I know that they are the most insensitive people I've known. If you say anything in a "mature" manner, speak up for yourself, or comment about their behavior they would go nuts get angry blaming me turning it all on me! They were and still are in "total denial"... It's like banging your head against a brick wall over and over and expecting different results. Unbelievable.  I know that I am a good person and worth something. It's interesting to know that I'm nothing like any of my family, other than the good things about my father...as the first parent that died I feel like I have no "voice" or "protection" from my Dad anymore. He knew me he loved me he respected me he protected me . My mother, my two sisters, can think whatever they want. They set a terrible example of what a Christian is...they can hate me and condemn me all they want. I'm not allowed to have an opinion and my own beliefs...they are. Interesting? What I've been saying to myself a lot and "observing" is that Bullies are basically controlling our country. Starting at the top with the president...who acts like  dictator. There are bullies all around where I live.  I observe them and pay attention. What I noticed about them (including our President) is that they are very insecure and "arrogant" but also "ignorant" people. They have no self worth so they try to use their bullying and "power" to try to control people because they have no control over their own lives...this country is going through a HUGE spiritual "lessons" ..and until we wake up and learn the lessons, they will be "repeated" over and over again. Scary but true...in my opinions.. 

All for now...this is just a way of my getting "things" out...but also I wanted to let all those women know you are not alone ME TOO!

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Monday, August 28, 2017