Monday, December 12, 2011

It's just too much...being in "the system of poverty" is killing me.

Life has gone astray
difficult changes
in so many subtle shades of grey

My life  is endless errands
with deadlines and paperwork
"the system" it never ends.....
I'm so tired....
then to try to rest in between
this is my life now.....

But my soul yearns
to play
oh,  when will I be able to say
"I"m FREE now to chose "when"
in my own time
to the quiet
and thoughtful "Rhymes"
to come to me
to come my way
once again.....

Oh, yes, how my soul yearns to play
please let it open once again
let time stand still
to give me the peace
to write and feel
and to let my souls pen
"Free flow"
once again.

I feel as if I'm owned 
and must follow all rules..
too many responsibilities...
too much for one person to handle...
Tomorrow they will come 
and do the apartment inspections
going through cabinets
looking in my bedroom
and closet 
among other things..
I'm being invaded
my sense of privacy
and to "chose" is gone
because no matter
how hard I tried
for many years...
I became poor
and disabled..
I'm living in the "Survival mode"
every tired..
push yourself beyond your limits
almost every single day Rhiannon..
this is your life...

Anyone who thinks it's "easy" 
to be poor, not enough food,
and not enough time
and not enough freedom
to "chose" "when" 
but instead to always
have to "Jump"!!!.....
Yes,  like the Van Halen song says
"Might as well JUMP, might as well JUMP"
this song comes to my mind all the time
now that I am "owned"
and "in the system"...
it feels like it's killing me....
 I know I am grateful 
I know I should be
and I's so hard..
I don't think most people
would even have a clue
unless it happens to them..
Only then you'll know...
I tried so hard 
to keep this from happening to me
I tried with everything in me
for years....
it's taking away "my life"....
but there it is....
it's called "Survival of the fetus"
and this is the story of  my life...
and has been for a long time now....
sorry to say the truth 
but they say the truth 
shall set you free
yet I don't feel  "free to be"..............
Might as well "Jump" 
because I have to anyway's always something
it never ends.
I'm so tired....

Multi-tasking is not "Normal" 
it's not..
we've gone to far with it..
and I'm no good at it at all..
my brain is constantly frazzled 
with it all.

I still won't give up
on hope, change
and my dreams
to day...yes maybe one day.

"Thoughts" by Rhiannon Dec.  12th, 2011

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Kate Bush - Rubberband Girl (Official Video) love Kate dancing in this's so fun and unique