Monday, February 27, 2006

Sunday, February 19, 2006

With age comes "Wisdom"..sometimes but not always..

Drawing by Rhiannon (Barbara)..Click on drawing to enlarge. Sorry I haven't posted much of my poetry or writing but I am recovering from a concussion right now and my vision is blurry, along with dizziness and a head that feels like a cottonball! Imagine trying to drive and function feeling that way!..ouch!..:o(

Friday, February 17, 2006

Dedicated to all the "Courageous Beautiful Girl-Women Souls" out there.

Click to enlarge. I hope you can read it then.
I posted this long ago but thought it was worth posting again just about now! Lyrics from the song "Beautiful Girl" by Sophie B. Hawkins, one of my all time favorite Musicians, Artist, singers and writers.

Love Rhi

Friday, February 10, 2006

I'm stunned!...Thank you all so much!

I just was stunned at the response to my post below about facing my mother and my own "monster" within. I want to thank so many for responding, I must say I am shocked! I didn't expect anyone to respond to it, or maybe one or two at the most. And thats not why I really posted it. Let me share with you why I did decide to post it ......

I was very hesitant to post the post below and I had almost decided against it. As the way I express myself in a lot of my posts is through my poetry, Art, writing and posting cool pics I like to connect to the poems,etc.. This post was very different for me as it was very very direct and just "out there" for all to see and read in the blog world. This was very very personal. But when I had decided to not post it after I wrote the whole thing and attached my soul collage, a thought came to my mind, "what if just one person comes upon this post, and reads this and they are going through or feeling a similiar situation and are confused and hurting and don't know what to do"? And thats when I decided to take the "Risk" of being so vulnerable on here, and to post it anyway, because if it could help just one person, a woman, a man, a teen, a child, well then it would be more than worth it! So I guess you could say I took a few risk and faced a few fears and "monsters" this week, even more than I realized..:-))

"I'm not an angry girl, but it seems like I've got some fooled, cause every time I say something they find hard to hear they chalk it up to my own anger and never to their own fears.... imagine your a girl, just trying to finally come clean, knowing full well they prefer you dirty and smiling"..."Oh, I am not a pretty girl, oh I don't want to be a pretty girl, .oh I want to be more than a pretty girl"...Lyrics of "Not a Pretty Girl" by Ani Di Franco

Have a beautiful weekend everyone, its sunny, clear and rather warm here in the high 60's!
How cool is that?!... "The Suns coming out"!!!..:-)

Angel Blessings to all of you and thank you from the bottom of my heart
for your kind supportive, understanding and encouraging really meant a lot to me..:-)


Thursday, February 09, 2006

No one speaks about the monsters....

I made this soul collage late last night to express my "confronting the Monster" within and without.
I faced the "Monster" yesterday, I faced my fear. I always thought the only way I would
ever release this wound was when I was standing at her gravestone, where she wouldn't
"know" or "hear how I felt. Or that I would be carrying the "Monster" around with
me to my own grave. I didn't get to do it in person but I did get to share it with you
"Mother", how I've felt all these years. And I said it in only a few sentences. I faced
the monster "within" my "fear" and I faced the monster on the "outside". I know you
read it because you responded back and of course not in a kind way, but in your cruel way,
but that was to be expected and then accepted. I always understood this. There will be no reunion, it
will never happen, at least not in this lifetime.. I know you don't love me and never did.
"I've never felt loved or nurtured by you as a child and I never felt loved, cared about or
accepted by you as your child, for the person that I am, and now as an adult grown up woman.
All I ever knew and felt by you was cruelty, physically, mentally and emotionally abused
and tortured by you, my own mother who never should have bore children. Your hate filled
bigotry, prejudice and false judgments of others. You live in a narrow shallow sick world of denial"

Yes, I did it and you know how I feel now. I wasn't mean about it or cruel like you but I stated my "pain".
Your "God fearing" born again radical (to the point of madness)religion, your need to
torture your own child, to try to destroy her soul and spirit, but you never succeeded. The
Black sheep that spoke the "Truth", and walked away from the sickness and total dysfunction.
I've been told that most of the children that when grown up have been called the "Black sheeps"
of the family, usaully are the ones that open the door and speak the "truth" of the "secrets"
and come out of the closet. Sometimes they are punished for life for this, but I am not anymore
I said "no more". My deep wound has seemed forever, but now maybe it won't
bleed so much any more. Now it will slowly mend with the scars to remind me of the warrior
spirit within me and that I "faced the monster and I faced the fear" of any consequences that
would come from it. Yes, just a few sentences and finally I got to say it and it was acknowleged.
I survived it and I am a survivor!...and when I fell asleep I slept like a peaceful baby. Oh I know
there will still be tough times ahead this won't "fix" everything but wow, I sure do feel like
I got that monkey off my back, and that burden I carried around..that horrrible monster
was confronted!..I'm breathing a deep sigh of relief now...for you my own "inner childe"
I did it for you and I did it for me the grown up woman...together we will heal, together
we are lifting and opening our wings free again in flight..don't cry wipe those tears away now...
you are loved.....

This song by Aimee Mann (Til Tuesday) came to my mind as I write this post. I used
the word "she" instead of "he" since I have always related this song to my mother.

"I try so hard not to get upset, because I know all the trouble I'll get
Oh she tells me tears are something to hide and something to fear
and I try so hard to keep it inside, so no one can hear
Hush hush darling, she might overhear oh, no voices carry
She said shut up she said shut up, oh God can't you keep it down,
voices carry...I wish she would let me talk"

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Nature sounds to help you relax or sleep...

Here is a cool web site where you can listen to nature sounds to help you relax, meditate, or sleep. You can choose from ocean, rain, chimes, thunder, songbirds, gulls,etc. All you have to do is click on which (can be more than one) you want and turn up or down the volume, its so easy! No downloading! The photos I took above about a year ago..the dates (in the corner you can barely see) on them are wrong as I could never figure out how to change it on my non-digital camera, but someone finally fixed that for me, thanks so much! Thanks Jodie from "Intuitive Innovations" (on my blog link) for the nature sounds info. Enjoy everyone!

Friday, February 03, 2006

Visionary...A Healing for all of us...

Click on the pic to enlarge
and you will see many kinds of faces
and many did you find?
This is not my Artwork
But a beautiful card someone
sent me a few years ago.
I added the text, made a few
changes on photo shop..

Truth, Reality and Visions...



Oh hear me now I am Visionary
the one who knows what is
before it happens and before you speak...

The one who see's and will tell you
of the poverty in the streets....
I am your reminder
that here and abroad
and in your own home town
Homelessness, poverty.......
they are just haunting whispers away
you will hardly hear it
it barely makes a sound
Homelessness, poverty...

I am not hate
but Love
I am not asleep
but Awake..
a reminder of the reality
Homelessness, poverty...
I am faceless and nameless
but you will know me just the same
I am a child
a child with no name
I am a lost soul, a woman, a man
here out in the freezing rain..
Do you feel it?
Do my eyes haunt you with shame?
Do you hear me now?
My faint cry of pain?

Oh hear me now
for I am your visionary
the one who knows what is
before it happens
and before you speak.
You can look away
you can turn away
you can walk away
you can pretend
and say you pray
but I'm still here...
Haunting whispers, poverty...

I am faceless and have no name
I am a child, a woman, a man
forget me if you can
but you will see me
and know me just the same

Turn away
don't care
walk on by
with your glazed stare
going nowhere
homelessness, poverty....

Oh hear me now
I am visionary
the one that knows what is
before it happens, before you speak
Please don't let it continue
you can make a difference
don't let the children weep
Speak out now
and come out of the darkness...
Join me in the light
to make our Dreams come true
a Reality...
Join me and become a Visionary.

*Written by Rhiannon February 1st, 2006*
**A big Thanks to Kerry A. for not giving up and being a Visionary**