Friday, February 10, 2006

I'm stunned!...Thank you all so much!

I just was stunned at the response to my post below about facing my mother and my own "monster" within. I want to thank so many for responding, I must say I am shocked! I didn't expect anyone to respond to it, or maybe one or two at the most. And thats not why I really posted it. Let me share with you why I did decide to post it ......

I was very hesitant to post the post below and I had almost decided against it. As the way I express myself in a lot of my posts is through my poetry, Art, writing and posting cool pics I like to connect to the poems,etc.. This post was very different for me as it was very very direct and just "out there" for all to see and read in the blog world. This was very very personal. But when I had decided to not post it after I wrote the whole thing and attached my soul collage, a thought came to my mind, "what if just one person comes upon this post, and reads this and they are going through or feeling a similiar situation and are confused and hurting and don't know what to do"? And thats when I decided to take the "Risk" of being so vulnerable on here, and to post it anyway, because if it could help just one person, a woman, a man, a teen, a child, well then it would be more than worth it! So I guess you could say I took a few risk and faced a few fears and "monsters" this week, even more than I realized..:-))

"I'm not an angry girl, but it seems like I've got some fooled, cause every time I say something they find hard to hear they chalk it up to my own anger and never to their own fears.... imagine your a girl, just trying to finally come clean, knowing full well they prefer you dirty and smiling"..."Oh, I am not a pretty girl, oh I don't want to be a pretty girl, .oh I want to be more than a pretty girl"...Lyrics of "Not a Pretty Girl" by Ani Di Franco

Have a beautiful weekend everyone, its sunny, clear and rather warm here in the high 60's!
How cool is that?!... "The Suns coming out"!!!..:-)

Angel Blessings to all of you and thank you from the bottom of my heart
for your kind supportive, understanding and encouraging words..it really meant a lot to me..:-)

Rhi


10 comments:

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

"high 60's" I don't want to hear about it! :( (can I go up there w/ you?) :)

javajazz said...

that's what i meant about when you take the leap of faith to do something that brave, when you face your demons, when you help yourself, you help the world...you are actually clearing up an energetic block that not only affected you, but affected everything you came in contact with. when this is cleared, you clear much more than you realize! that drop in the ocean is more potent than one might realize! it affects everything...you have helped clear a path, and as you say, you may have helped others to face similar fears...i know i was inspired and again i thank you and encourage you to continue being this open! you can get hooked on the wonderful feeling of being free! enjoy!
xo lisa

Rhiannon said...

Andrew, its coming your way soon, just hang on!.:-)

Rhi

Rhiannon said...

Lisa,

You know there is much more to this than meets the eye for sure! For the last 3 months I felt my chakra in the sternum area was so blocked! I kept telling myself it wasn't just physical pain but a "blockage" also of some things I was "holding in" and so needed to get out, let it out! Toxic! Something has been happening in the last year in relation to someone I have been having to deal with business wise and they were so much like my mother in how the way they treated me and what they "tried" to do it brought back so much and I went "way back" to that deep pain that I thought I had somewhat healed and dealt with. I had to stand and speak up for myself (to protect myself)to this person but "carefully" and make them aware that I could assert myself but tactfully as I could. It was sooo hard! because once they realized I had more "spirit" than they only tried to "threaten" and intimidate me even further every time I stood up for myself! I felt fear but always made sure I didn't show it. They had so much anger.They still do. Then I realized this person is in a lot of emotional pain but they are taking it out on so many people and the "control" issue deal. What I realized is that a lot of people around them "let him" treat them this way, and they were mostly women!....I finally got to the point where I kept saying to myself "he is just like my mother a big bully and hateful and he has gotten away with it with so many for so many years now"..then here I come!..ha ha..how ironic! He was truley stunned seeing me standing up and asserting myself in a "mature" way..as he was judging me by how I looked on the outside as some do, a "book by its cover"...it was like a "battle" all over again like with my mother. Obviously I still needed some more lessons as a single woman and a woman on my own in dealing with "tyrants"... But it still led back to my mother..so I guess everything happens for a reason. I had some more "work" to do in healing with the demons and speaking my truth to my mother.."finally".

I've had "rare" but short converstaions with my mother through the years in the past(though haven't seen her in over 20 years) and yet I never had ever said what the true "gut" of the emotional pain really was to her, in relation to her. We only ended up always arguing, or then years of silence. This was sooo different! I just said "my truth" from my very deep heart,inner soul and my inner childe. It had nothing to do with winning or who "gets on first" etc..not at all. It was my "real" pain being released. I faced the fear, owned it and now the healing begins.

I need a vacation! ha ha..

Blessngs,

Rhi

Imran said...

You tough girl and a brave soul. The vacation starts now. You deserve it. God bless you.

Kerry said...

it's snowing here... i am making homemade chicken noodle soup! tad- da! lol (or trying too at least! lol)

i remain extremely proud of you my dreamweaver.

have a wonderful weekend!

your faithful friend,

kerry

Rhiannon said...

Imran thank you..and I so wish I could get away take a vacation, its been like "forever" since had one, but there is only one of me to take care of "life"..sigh..hope maybe one day..

***********************

Kerry,

Awwwh thanks so much Kerry :)..all this encouragment sure goes a long long way!..I so need positive reinforcement these days..so much negativity all around me, I try not to "take it all in or aborb it"..but at times its hard.

Snowing? wow. We didn't have hardly any snow this winter at all. I miss it..make angels in the snow! Flap flap!..:)

Oh Chicken soup sounds so good about now for some reason! I've always loved to cook and am really good at it..been cooking since I was a little kid. I don't get to cook homemade meals as much as I used to, not enough time. I have a great homemade recipe for chicken soup. If you want it let me know. Its mostly "just a little bit of this and a little bit of that" kind of recipe..:-)

Enjoy the soup!

Your friend,

Rhi

Hope your soup turned out great! Yum!

Rhiannon said...

he he..me and my horrible typos..
meant "absorb"..:(

Kerry said...

recipe???? *faints* wakes up... recipe?! *smiles* you can cook??? *cheers aloud!* and waits patiently for your recipes to be shared...

your smiling friend,

kerry

ps-the soup was a nightmare! lol... i didnt know i needed to cook the veggies before hand!! *tears* we went out for taco bell instead.... lol...

Peg said...

Hi Rhi...read your posts below also, do that to catch up! ;-0}
I couldn't think of anything to say, but smiled alot, not a funny haha smile or even a I gotcha smile, just a smile. Like possibly out of the corner of your mouth smile and a wow, you did it smile...
all my love,
Peg