Thursday, October 20, 2005

Loved in fear...poem

Will this endless restlessness
in my heart ever subside?
Was it a dream?
Not real?
other then in the boundaries
of my timeless
gypsy soul?

I loved you...
you said you loved me too..
but you could not handle it
in your fear..
I saw it in your eyes...
you coudn't risk it you said..
it was too good to be true you said..
not realizing
that I too
was fearful
of getting hurt myself...
But you ran..and never looked back.

Love can sometimes be a confusing thing
it twists and turns
and rips your heart
into a mass
of confusion
of questions
never answered
let alone addressed..
I'm a mess......

Why does it have to be this way?
Why must I always be the brave one?
To speak up?
Well...................
its time
for another tortured soul
to recognize
that mine is also.

By Rhiannon....written December 2001

7 comments:

Peg said...

Hmm, very deep! Very sad and yet very ever so true!!

Nice!!

Kerry said...

beautiful! beautiful!!!!!!

Long Iron said...
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Carolyn said...

I think this one and your last one speak the same language, and could possibly relate to the same person. At least it does for me :)
Again, very well done, very passionate, yet grounded in the lesson here.

Rhiannon said...

Yes Peg it was sad but true. Don't know what I would do without all my writing, journaling and poems all these years. Always makes me feel better "writing it out" helps heal the wound so to speak.

Thank you kerry one word "written" twice can express a lot!:o)

Well it was cathartic when I wrote it longiron thats for sure! I'm unpacking a lot of my papers and things of late and finding more of my journal books and poems from the past. I've got so many journal books takes boxes to hold them all! I hope it didn't hurt your heart too much.

Well its strange Carolyn how do I put this?..hmm..One was about someone I had a relationship with over 4 years ago and the other one was about another "someone" who I started to see the same pattern "again" and the "warning sign" and walked away before it was too late! Those lessons you know sometimes we do learn from them! I think I know now what is important and what I want in a relationship for sure.It may never happen or it may, I haven't a clue at this point. I just haven't met any "someones" that seem to know what they want. I can dream can't I?..:o)

Angel Blessings to all of you sweet kind spirits,
Rhiannon

Dreaming_Firefly said...

Fear of accepting. Fear of commitment. Such fears seem to be always there, lingering in the heart. Maybe, it is just a fear of confronting our own thoughts and feelings, a fear to face the real self.

Running away. Not necessarily to prevent oneself from getting hurt. Maybe the person is just not confident enough and is simply afraid of hurting others, not realising that to run away may hurt even more. Maybe?

Rhiannon said...

Yes a good thought Dreaming, I have thought the same myself. You seem to understand..its hard to place why people sometimes do what they do not thinking of the wound they might leave behind in anothers heart. Its ironic because we all fear but I just pray that others constant fear of "real love" and being truely with someone in a relationship doesn't make me one day shut down like them or run away..its happened a few times for me when I have given of myself in love, fearing but not letting it stop me..only to have the other "soul" have more fear than me wounding my soul as they walk away from something that seemed so wonderful..sometimes with no explanation..this is painful and I see many people do this to one another all the time in this crazy world of ours. I don't always want to be the brave one I want someone who can also be able to hang in there with me and allow me to be vulnerable at least sometimes..??I'm only human after all. Sigh...I guess I'm one of those woman who doesn't fear commitment or lasting love for I knew it for a long time and do know that it exists..maybe it never will again for me? Maybe I'm just odd in the way I think about love and relationships..I'm a one man woman, loyal and trustworthy, and totally dedicated when I love someone. Maybe that doesn't make sense nowadays to some people?..but it does to me..it always will.

You've given me some food for thought which I kind of needed right now so thank you "again"..

Rhiannon