Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson...gone too soon.

A Sad Good-Bye...and Dedication...

Two Souls above

Flying with wings

So strong

and brave

with Love...

Flying with wings

that Whisper

of all your Beauty

that touches the sky

as Heaven Sings...

May your Angels greet you with open arms on the other side.

Love, Rhi

Written by Rhiannon June 25th, 2009

Mysterious side...had fun making this collage..

I had fun sitting on the floor just fiddling around making this collage today.

Fathers Day Requital...thoughts about my father..

Am I to spend my life
constantly
facing my fears?
yet unable still to shed
any tears?...

No rest for the weary
and now
Father's Day
is here.....
only another reminder
of the things
in life
that I hold so dear
have never
really been
there
nor here
for me...
my existence
is in a wide space of time
yet crowded
in eternity
with the endless
timeless
rhymes....

I yearn oh how I yearn
to set you free
to let me be
to be removed
far from your memory
and the lack of love
and care...
but this day
only reminds me
each and every year
no matter
how hard I try
I'm still unable
to shed a tear...

I await for this day
to be over
and done
observing
all the celebrations
of love and fun...
yes...
I admit
like the song says
"She's come undone"....

I'm not your "Baby Doll"
and I never was
I hate your old refrain
because....
no matter what you said or say
it's always been the same...
because you know
I would never play
your hurtful hateful games...


Written by Rhiannon (Barbara) June 21st, 2009
@copyrights owned by Barbara

** Sorry SisStar Kylita, I know I'm a member of the "SisStar" of the C.O.D.E (childless orphaned daugthers evolving) but I'm hoping what I wrote in this post is just part of my "evolving"...a learning growing process as we both know.**

Silent Shores....

Silent shores
are beckoning
as echoing souls
carry me away
drifting
into a smiling wave
that crashes
over me
into eternity
and sets me free.

Written by Rhiannon (Barbara) June 2006 *Copyrights owned by Barbara*

Jewels beautifully written book "Chasing down the Dawn....

I was unpacking some of my books last week and found this beautiful book written by Jewel I had bought years ago. At that time I had only read just a few tidbits from the book...but in the last week, every night at bedtime I get comfy and have found myself reading it from the very beginning of the first page. I discovered Jewels first cd "Pieces of you" way before it got any airplay, I saw her on some local PBS show singing with Melissa Etheridge and Melissa introduced Jewel to do one of her "own songs" and Melissa said "you'll be hearing from this great artist soon she is making a cd now a great talent with a beautiful voice"...so I listened to Jewel singing this beautiful song in her beautiful voice titled "Foolish Games" and I was blown away! I thought "okay I've got to find where I can get her cd"!.. and it took weeks of calling around and then ordering the cd and I played it all the time. Then about a year later "wham" she's all over the radio. I love her song "Foolish Games" it's so incredibly heartfelt and honest.

Jewel's writing in "Chasing down the Dawn" is incredibly honest, pure, beautifully poetic and descriptive of her life as a child in Alaska, no electricity, no tv, no bathroom, a very rough life, yet you can tell it made her who she is today. She writes of living in her van, being so poor she could not get any medical help for her chronic kidney problems. Her mother traveled some with her and would encourage her and support what Jewel wanted to do in her writing and singing. She writes of life on the road doing concerts all over the world, she writes so "Flowing" of her experiences meeting people from all walks of life, her very difficult relationship with her father and how he finally was willing to acknowledge and open up to her in his own way and to learn from his mistakes and improve his ways. This is wonderful when a parent can and is "willing" to do this when the child becomes an adult...it's so much easier to heal when you know your wounds and "hurt" are not only being acknowlegled but that person who hurt you changes and heals also.

Jewel is also a very good artist, her drawings in this book fit what she is expressing in her writing about.. and I just love the way she shares so much of her heart and so connected with nature "as God" and how she is most definitely her own "person" and follows her own heart and instinct and has known who she is since a very young child. Her mother taught her these things as a child, that it is not only "okay" to be who she is but also to listen to her own "inner voice".

I highly recommend this book. It is something very different not something you would find usual or common....it's very very much like a poetic diary journal. If you end up reading this book and like it, I highly recommend her first book, "A night without armor", it's full of beautiful poems she wrote. I like that Jewel is so feminine and there is this essence and grace about her the way she carries herself...and her great spirit is so strong and so brave...you don't have to look or act "tough" or bitchy or "macho" in order to have strength of character. and speak "Your truth"....never judge a book by it's cover...but judge by the grace of inner strength and beauty from the "inside"....Jewel never sold out I don't care what anyone says...she's decided to keep her tooth crooked that some people make fun of or think now that she has lots of money she should "fix it"..well I think she is keeping what the divine blessed her with, she is staying true to herself. She lives on a ranch with her "rodeo" husband "Ty" and she doesn't really get into the hollywood deal and likes ranching and being out in the country...

From Jewels book "Chasing down the dawn" and finding her "inner voice" at a very young age.

"I learned to keep an ear turned always inward, to track and dialogue with that inner voice. I often found the voice within me possessed a wisdom or peace beyond my years or experience. During stressful times I would take great solace retreating inside. I felt things would be "okay". My mother encouraged me to turn my ear to the subtle voice that was inside me. Without her encouragement I'm sure I would have become numb to it."

"There were times when I lost touch with the voice. It felt like losing the compass by which I have always navigated . There have been times when I have lost trust and faith in my own intuition and tumbled around aimlessly, like a ship tossed against the rocks of other people's opinions and criticisms. Writing has helped me immeasurably. What I feel most deeply surfaces when I write. It is a very tangible way to see what inwardly has no form"

"I sit in silence each day for one to two hours, not to pray or meditate, though it may be like that. It is to sit in communion with myself. A dialogue inwardly, to dream new dreams, to redream old ones. To update old habits or thought processes that no longer serve me, to contemplate the source and the wonder of all things."

"I'm getting better at hearing my voice. I'm learning that the more I make decisions from my gut, regardless of statistics or popular opinion, the happier I am with the outcome...the more the outcome looks like who I am, not what I feel obligated to be".

Written by Jewel in 2000-2001

Another Parallel Universe? The story of Hugh and Mark Everette. Science and also helping heal those wounds..check this out...very interesting!

I saw this show NOVA/Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives/PBS last night on PBS. It's about Mark Everette, the son of Hugh Everette, the scientist who started the theory of Quantum Physics, that there is a parallel universe!. I was so intrigued watching this show....another dimensional world we might live in! I actually found this documentary to be rather a spiritual experience for me. Mark is in an alternative band and is a song writer and singer. They show a few clips of him on stage singing a song about his father and such. This whole documentary revolved around Mark going around the country to visit different people (some very famous scientist and such) Universities and places where his father made history. He had very interesting chats with his fathers friends and fellow scientist. Mark also shares about his families "complex" problems...he is the only family member left now.

Mark decided to take this "Journey" so he could really get to know his father in a better way and to understand him. His father died at the age of 51 of a heart attack from way too much smoking and drinking. Mark was just 18 when he found his fathers body when he died. Mark see's that whether he likes it or not, how he is like his father in many ways. I found this whole story of Mark's family history and what his father was like when Mark was a young boy growing up very fascinating! I was spellbound by Marks speaking his thoughts about the past, his conversations with so many that worked and knew his father way back "when". Also Mark finally deciding to go through boxes and records and even old tapes of taped conversations his father made. I hope you will take the time to read this PBS web site page above and also you can watch the whole PBS show from last night if you want to. I only happened upon this show on PBS accidentally.

**Note** I just checked the tv guide listings for PBS..."Parallel world, Parallel lives" will run again on PBS on May 23rd, Saturday at 10:00 pm. At least that's what it states for my area. So, check your local PBS listings for Saturday night. PBS also has it listed to run on May 21st on Thursday at 2:00 am...so check for that early morning also..if you can manage to stay up that late or record it. It will be worth it. It's supposed to run on Sunday the same early morning time also..

I guess you had to be there...as I'm sure this post will not be able to give you the rave review that this documentary deserves...so please check it out at the web site above.

Mark Farner and Grand Funk Railroad music videos....lets go back in time and really Rock Out!

The second video (bottom one) below is "Inside looking out" one of my favorite songs by Grand Funk Railroad..it's live era 1969! Sorry I meant to post this video first but it came out at the bottom for some reason! Please play this video first! It's the very first song I ever heard by them. I first discovered Mark and Grand Funk Railroad in the late 60's on an "underground FM radio station" growing up in Los Angeles county. I discovered most of my favorite rock groups and other artists from that radio station during that era time frame.

The other artist I discovered in the late 60's through the underground FM radio station were Andy Warhol and Velvet Underground, Nico, Laura Nyro, Melanie, Alice Cooper. The DJ did a lot of talk radio interviews with a lot of these artist he played, combined with their music. His name was "Elliot Menz" who later became John and Yoko's manager. John and Yoko were on Elliots radio show a lot having late night "chats". Each time I would hear a new artist I really liked on there (while listening very late at night) I would then go out the next day and search all over for their albums. Not always easy when they were not very popular and basically had no airplay on radio "pop" stations! But I would always manage to find their albums and I still have all of those albums! I had a wonderful encounter with John and Yoko at a mall in the early 70's...and had met Jim Morrison and the doors also..of course I've already posted that info way back in my blog archives...so I won't "go there" again.

Grand Funk Railroad got their name from their musical works often sounding a lot like a train locomotion. They got their fans from other places, like (as I mentioned) underground rock stations , their concerts, which sold out all the time too. I went to a 1972 Grank Funk Railroad concert with some friends and my sisters. I dragged them along, had extra tickets. They complained the whole drive to the forum. They did not want to go and were not into GFR but frankly they had never taken the time to ever listen to them....so, 30 minutes into the concert I wasn't surprised to watch them head banging their brains out! They loved them! We could not hear for a few hours after the concert was over. Sound system wooo hooo. I went to many many rock concerts in those days but GFR was the most unforgettable and most fun ever (other than the doors playing in concert at my high school gym)...GFR were better live than on vinyl! Just the best guitar licks, vocals, drums, harmonica, etc..

So, in the second video "Inside looking out" take the time to listen through the whole song...it's very very long and towards the middle and up to the end the guitar work is just amazing for back then! Be patient. Of course I love the whole video. It's all still brand new to me as I watch and listen..I never tire of it. The band is my favorite hard rockin band (other than the doors and velvet underground, Lou Reed).... Mark Farner is still my favorite guitarist, he's got his own unique style and I love his voice and he is still rockin after all these years. They are trying to vote Mark and GFR into the rockin hall of fame but they still have not done it..it amazes me as Mark and GFR were and "still" are incredibly talented musicians.

The first video below (top one) is the song "Heartbreaker" done live in 1989 by Mark Farner and his own band. He does some fantastic guitar work in this one towards the middle!! Incredible! I found Mark Farner doing the "Heartbreaker" song live in a youtube 2004 video...but the picture was so wobbly and the music kept cutting off...but Mark still does great work today and looks fantastic for a man in his 60's!! Rocking out keeps you young (at least it does me) and Mark may have less hair on the top (but long in back) but his body is even more lean now and he still has those muscles in his arms and he still wears his armband...and most of all he's "Still got it"! If you don't believe me go check him out on youtube. So in the the first live concert song here "Inside looking out" Mark was 19 or 20 in 1969...and in the second video song "Hearbreaker" it's Mark 20 years later 1989. I thought he sounded even better and his guitar licks were more evolved. GFR changed their name to Grand Funk later in the "mid 70's and turned more "pop" which I didn't care for...that was not the "real thing" for them..never was I feel. Mark stopped his drug taking a long time ago and became a born again "Christian"...however he became an open and "into the environment, and "all my brothers and sisters" type Christian...he sets a good example of what a good Christian might be...he is a very open, loving, truthful, honest "up front" type of man.

Funny, how I do love the old rock but I also love a lot of new rock, alternative, pop too..I just like to keep evolving. I guess I've always been a rebel at heart. Oh my mother hated that about me. I was so "evil" listening to that "Sick evil music" she used to say. Well I don't think I turned out too bad considering I had a mother like her! I was curious and always open to new and different and eclectic kind of music. My friends used to tell me that I should have become a record producer because I would recognize talent, a new group or some musical artist before anyone around me knew who they were. I would find and buy their first album and play it all the time and say to anyone who would listen "they will become famous in a few years"....and they almost always did...this still happens to me. I think nickelback, smashing pumpkins, Linkin park is very good...coldplay, the killers, eve 6, the frey. I like quite a few Eminems songs. I'm kind of all over the map when it comes to music, and I loved the 80's mtv "big hair" music videos...Sting, Peter Gabriel, David Bowie, ABC, flock of sea gulls. They were very creative with their music videos then, they had "stories" to them like little "movies". I'm not into country though...sorry people...:o( ....but I do love Keith Urbans "I'm going to love you like nobody's loved you making memories of us"...ooooh. Hope you'll take the time to listen to GFR's two whole videos songs here (give them a chance) and let me know what you think?...I'd be very curious and interested to know. Rock out!...I hope you enjoy them. Remember to please play the second video at the bottom "first"...then play the first one at the top...or heck play the first one first if you want...then compare the two...such a talent...at least in my opinion..

Facing the Monsters..........

I had made this collage a few years back in relation to my feelings about my mother and my family...during that time I finally got the courage to say what I felt and needed to say to "her". It was very freeing. As I look at my collage now I connect with it for different reasons, in relation to what I've gone through in the last 2 years or so. Losing everything in my life it seemed, facing my fears of "what will happen to me will I survive, make it through all this?"...so I found myself continually facing my "fears" and "the monsters"...it's getting better now but I have recently discovered how emotionally fragile I still am. So, I accept and embrace my feelings of how I feel and who I am "for now"...as each day goes by I find new experiences to help guide the way...and of course my guardian angels, always hanging out in my corner of the world...somehow I know and trust that they have been with me the whole time..I just lost faith...and it was still okay with them..I felt their prescience always...strange though that may sound I thank them for the unconditional protection watching over me when I often stumbled and lost my way..

A heartfelt thank you to many of my blog friends for the support frame and kindness they have given to me...it meant so much to me...though you are all so far from me in miles, you are close to me in my heart. You made a difference in my life...and so we all continue to reach out to one another with friendship and understanding...all because of a thing called "blogging" on a computer...isn't that something? I'm not a computer type geek person, yet I can see where it can make a difference in the world if used properly in connecting and reaching out to others in spiritual and friendship ways.

Thanks for not giving up on me...because in many ways for a long time now I did almost give up on myself...now I try and take each day as it comes...it's all any of us can do.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you...your so special to me in my heart..

"Nobody speaks about the monsters"...lyrics written by Annie Lennox

Love, Rhi