My first "real" relationship with the new "man" in my life since last October...well, we have a few ups and downs, but are learning and communicating well. The other day we had "words"...it wasn't real bad or anything just some of my fear, insecurities and hurt from the past (his too) among other things. I need to feel I can trust and that "he" will be there for me...it's been a long long road on my own taking care of "everything" in my life with never any "backup"....so anyway I felt very sad in the thought that I might lose this very special man in my life. It's something I've never had in so many years...I felt so sad and as I stood in the kitchen last night, washing dishes, these words just came to my mind....how I was feeling.. too vulnerable...it was one of my first "real" Rhi type poems in quite some time...the kind I like to write with lots of metaphors...as the words came together from my heart and mind, I quickly grabbed a notepad and wrote it all down in about two minutes or so. It really was a free flowing poem for real for me...it expressed the feelings that were coming out of my heart and sad to maybe lose this new love I've found in my life. Anyway he and I talked late last night and worked things out and I cried a bit...and was vulnerable...not an easy thing for me to do. He was totally there for me and as I cried for "real" for more than a minute for the first time in a long long time...I'm used to stopping any tears that might come and "get on with it" and perservere and survive as usual...push myself beyond my limits as usual. But this time I "allowed" my tears to flow and did not hold them back. He didn't put down my tears as I cried, instead he held me and let me cry for about 10 minutes...it felt good and I felt loved. This is not an easy thing for me to do. I've always been the "wounded warrior" fighting my battles with always no back up....it almost scares me that maybe for the first time there is actually someone there for me who wants to be "my back up" and is here for me as I am for him. Wow!
This poem below is short and it's just what came to my mind when thinking of losing something I've not had or "felt" in so so long for so many years....a man that truely loves "me" who I am warts and all..imperfections and all. I actually read and showed the little poem to him last night...he liked it a lot and said "you should post this on your blog, as I think the poetry of words are coming back to you once again". So it's just a short simple poem....but to me expressed all I had felt upon writing it. I love the metaphors... I tend to see life that way...especially when writing poems. My older poems will be coming up in my next posts, but for now I actually found myself writing a new one.
"Aborted Flight"
Sadness envelops me
wrapped in layers
of my requested flight
out of here....
only for the darkness
to laugh up at me
and sneer
"stuck"....
in this sunken airport
with no flights open
and too much baggage
to spare...
Written by Rhiannon (Barbara R.) March 5th, 2010
5 comments:
Bravo, SisSTAR! Now forget the airport and lift your arms up to the sunshine (whether it's showing or not) and soar into your own flight of fancy ... and with gratitude another can understand enough, give enough, open up enough, be vulnerable with you enough, that you can let some of the baggage get "lost" along the way.
Isn't it true that we usually end up writing poetry when we're sad? But it is cathartic and freeing.
It was a great talk we had last week. Glad to hear of your being able to cry with your sweetheart and open up more, a little at a time.
Blessed Be-ing xoxoxoxo
Fantastic poem Rhi, I think all of us have felt the same at one time or the other.
A new beginning. A new hope as bright as sunshine. A new life.
I am so happy for you. You deserve every happiness. I love your soul. It's beautiful.
You can surely describe the bottom.
Now its up, up, and beyond !
A Nice poem that says a lot. I wish you much happiness Rhiannon!!! :D
Post a Comment