Dear dear sweet understanding, kind fellow bloggers. I got a call today from the public housing authority...finally after almost 2 years and a half of waiting! I got at the top of the list!..."But"..there's a catch..they apparently have a "few openings" for apartment housing and they have a few people they are trying to decide who to "pick"and decide on...I had no clue they did it this way I"m at the top of the list but I guess well there is more "paperwork" and "red tape" for me to go through. I must fill out forms and give them more info about "me" and my health issues, etc..I always wondered why the housing people did not have all this in the paperwork forms in the first place when I first applied! Anyway I have much info and am happy to show them and fill out all the info... someone will drive me to the public housing authority tomorrow to pick up those papers to fill out the forms they want more info on and start getting Drs, letters and copies of things and all the "red tape crap' they want..been there done that...over and over...this is called "the system" and the ones disabled and needing help and no place to live are the ones that do all of the foot work and "paperwork"...okay dokey! Except of course if you have family members that can help you out with doing all this stuff..which around here a lot of people do have family members help them to take care of all this red tape paperwork...but I've been doing it on my own for a long long long time now..
Hope to get all the info they need ASAP and then turn it all in and wait for the best and to accept that if I am not picked at this moment in time than maybe someone else worse off than me will be picked...and if they don't have a family and are completely alone like me, with serious health issues than I will accept this...and understand. But waiting almost 2 years has "NOT" been easy...and I'm just so burned out not having my own place to live and having to help the people I live with out so much and do so much work it's wearing me down...want my own bathroom...want my own kitchen so I can go in there and cook myself a healthy meal instead of what I've been having to go through for over a year now...help everyone else...second class citizen am I...this family I live with is sure going to miss me when I'm gone!....only then will they realize how much I've been doing for all of them..yet I must say they have been good to me letting me stay here and I know I will leave here with my integrity and dignity intact..
I will hopefully have "Sancturary" soon and when I get settled and have my own place I shall sleep when I want, rest up, take a bath...have "Privacy" finally!!! oh god I so miss having a bath(can only shower here every few days and must wait for everyone else to do their shower first..and I must always rush and hurry about it)..sigh... ..it's always been so relaxing for me to have a nice relaxing bath.....haven't had one in over a year!...soon now (I hope) my time will be "my Own" not someone else's...it's about time..I've been feeling so "trapped"..I need my freedom my independence back...I cannot take care of and babysit people any longer..got to take care of myself..so I can find myself my creativity my writing, get it all slowly back once again..losing the most important part of yourself that keeps you going..you can never imagine what that feels like unless you've gone through it....
So, I've got so much on my plate now, so I won't be blogging for a bit...wish me luck and think good thoughts of me that I will "Finally" have a little place to "Call my own" finally after 2 years or so of losing myself "in the red tape" of this backwards crazy system of ours in this country.
I could not stay at the homeless shelters (though I tried) because of the drug addicts, prostitutes and smokers and violent people that seem to stay there a lot...they sneak in knives and guns and drugs....it's very scary and very dangerous...I thought if I had not been able to live with these people at their house I would have chosen to live in my car rather than a shelter....I would be more safe in my car than a shelter.
Blessings to all of you and I will be back to blogging when I can...love you all.