Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentines Day to All...
This poem below is dedicated to all my blog friends...a poem I wrote from my blog archive. I hope you all have a lovely Valentines day.
As for me Valentines Day has always been a very difficult day each year for me. Special memories through the many years with my former soulmate...Valentines day being his Birthday, our first date, the day he had proposed to me...and plus Valentines Day!..all rolled into one...Try as I might, those wonderful memories through those years of our very special "Day" brings tears to my heart. Those memories will always be with me, much as I've tried to delete them from my memory...I am unable to...along with the bad memories of what happened towards the last year of our marriage...it was kind of like one of those women "Liftetime" TV movies...if you know what I mean? I felt as if I was in some kind of a bizarre nightmare, a bad dream. He turned into a different person a different man..he was no longer who I knew him to be. He was cruel, hurtful and it devastated my heart...during that time...at least those cruel memories of what he and his new girlfriend did to me "on purpose" for whatever sick vindictive reason they may have had during that time..well at least those memories are not fresh in my mind and heart. Times like these special days, you wish you could have a "delete" button to erase the wonderful and the cruel memories from your heart and mind forever.
But then again all of the lessons and what had happened and has happened to me since those many years ago have taught me much about myself. I am a dedicated, loving, trustworthy woman..and always will be...regardless of what others think of me...or mock me for being faithful and true to my heart...I shall always remain with my integrity, dignity and who I am in my soul, still intact.. I know I am a survivor!. But I'd like more in life than just that. I know I deserve better. But still scared as h** to be able to trust and be vulnerable with someone...without them taking advantage or the time to get to know and accept "me" as I will or " would" them. I know that "special someone" will need to be very patient and understanding with me..I've got a long road to go...but the path looks a bit clearer now. And if it never happens, I know who I am and that somehow I will be just fine on my own...as I have been for the last 11 years...with a few relationships here and there in between and an engagement 7 years ago that failed because it just wasn't meant "to be".
I know my heart can open...but only when I know it can and not have it ripped up in the process. I hope you enjoy the romantic poem. I'm a Pisces and a Chinese astrology Rabbit...with Leo rising!...so that pretty much says it all!...:o)
Two souls mending
on a path of roses
the beds of dawn...
Blending in essence
of hearts opening..
Petals softly fall
delicately touching the ground...
a soul with a tear
glistening on velvet....
*Copyrights owned by Rhiannon (Barbara) November 2005*