Thinking of my Dad a lot this week. It would have been his Birthday. Hard to believe it's been a year now since he died. Dad, hope your at peace, wherever your soul and spirit may be. Maybe your a twinkling star in the night sky.  Maybe another life, another time?  Or maybe your one of my guardian angels now? Because I have felt your presence many times in the last year. Wrapping a warm light of protection around your daughter? Who's living a life she doesn't want at all and feels so trapped. Who wants to feel that there is some way out of this hellhole I have found myself in for so long now. Dad, don't worry you taught me how to be a survivor, I won't give up. But I don't want to just survive, and stay alive Dad.  I want to "Live" and to have a real "Life" that brings contentment, meaning and joy.  


I wish I could talk to you Dad. Well, maybe I will, and you will hear me. Wherever you may be.


I will always love you forever, Dad. I know you were not a perfect Father or parent. But I also know that you were "always" the only one in our family, that truly understood and "Got me".  I remember our long "talks" as a child and when I was growing up.  I should have told you all of this, when you were still present, here on earth. I have such regrets that I did not get to tell you this. I hope that you know, that I will never forget you Dad and thank you for being the one person in our family that understood "me".   I think I understood "you" more than anyone else in our family too. Maybe both of us being sensitive Pisces might have something to do with it? We had a connection. Not perfect by far. But while growing up I had this with you.  I am so grateful that I did.  Maybe if I had not, I wouldn't still be around? So thanks Dad.


Love,
your daughter
Barbara (Rhi)

Laura Nyro - Woman's Blues...wow I love this funky blues song of Laura's...no one else can "sing" her language of the blues!!

Beautiful Girl - Sophie B. Hawkins

Quiet Miracles...to share with you..........

I dedicate this video to my dear friend "SiStar Kylita" and her husband Jeff, as his soul and spirit slowly makes his way home, "Into the light".  I love you Kyle.  Jeff and you are in my thoughts as each day passes to the other.  

Love,
Rhiannon

Eminem ft. Rihanna - The Monster Lyrics, I really get into this...truth and being real is a good thing

Correction in the lyrics. "Well that's not fair" lyric is actually "Well that's nothing". 

Van Halen - Jump . I'm so ready to "JUMP" off this train wreck I've been on for so long! C'mon let's "Jump"! I want to have fun! It's beyond time for me to Jump, oh yeahI might as well "Jump"!

You got it tough
I've seen the toughest around
and I know baby
just how you feel
you got to roooollllll
with the punches 
to get to what's real

Ani DiFranco - 32 Flavors one of my favorites of Ani's..

Memories of good times in my life in the mid 70's

"Me" outside and inside..,in the mid 70's

My hair, kind of spiky short on top
like Linda McCartney
but the rest of my hair
very long
reddish brown color
huge hoop earrings
low rise flared jeans
backless crop top
tied around my neck
my belly button
and stomach
for all to see
usually barefoot
bottom eyelashes
lined inside with
dark brown pencil
slightly smudged
black mascara
on top eyelashes
sunblock lotion
always on my face
every day
no other face make up
but lip gloss...
remember when 
it used to all be
kind of "natural" then?

My life seemed so carefree
I felt so free
Independent
didn't worry about much
lived in the moment
driving my seafoam VW bug
down Laurel canyon
with my music blasting
singing to the songs
outloud...weeeeee!
I'm on the way to the beach
watching
all the other people
in cars 
headed for home

from suntanning all day...
I was headed to the beach
to watch the sun go down
and the moon come up
I've arrived!
Walking down the rock path
taking me down
to the sand
and the sea
just me
running in the sand
my hair flying
with the ocean breeze
the ocean is
calling to me
sticking my feet

in the water
sigh.....beautiful...
then...
sitting on the sand
the cool sand
looking at the ocean
waves quietly lapping
yet so quiet
meditative
then...
running back 
to the shore again
as the tide rolls in
sticking my toes in
feeling the gravity
of the pulling sensation
of water running
through my feet
jeans wet
all the way
up to my knees
who cares?
Sigh...
perfection
of a day
slowly ending
turning to night
as the sun shines
like golden embers
fading down 
against the ocean view..
Moon coming up
getting brighter
watching a sunset
and a moonrise
my favorite time
sitting on the sand
watching it
feeling it
feeling totally connected
to mother nature
completely...
a sense of peace
and blissfullness
inside of me
Nature and I
at one
feeling completeley
free..

looking around 
no one else here
on the beach
wow...I thought
what they are missing
all were there to get their tan?
during the day?
then all go home
so I can have
this beauty 
all to myself....
I'm kind of feeling
like my Pisces 
Mermaid self...

What a moment 
of time
to remember
a wonderful
beautiful memory...

I have not been to the ocean for many years now.
I miss it so...life's kind of like that for me now.
I miss so many things
I want back..
but onward I go
to who knows where?