Thursday, February 20, 2014

Thinking of my Dad a lot this week. It would have been his Birthday. Hard to believe it's been a year now since he died. Dad, hope your at peace, wherever your soul and spirit may be. Maybe your a twinkling star in the night sky.  Maybe another life, another time?  Or maybe your one of my guardian angels now? Because I have felt your presence many times in the last year. Wrapping a warm light of protection around your daughter? Who's living a life she doesn't want at all and feels so trapped. Who wants to feel that there is some way out of this hellhole I have found myself in for so long now. Dad, don't worry you taught me how to be a survivor, I won't give up. But I don't want to just survive, and stay alive Dad.  I want to "Live" and to have a real "Life" that brings contentment, meaning and joy.  

I wish I could talk to you Dad. Well, maybe I will, and you will hear me. Wherever you may be.

I will always love you forever, Dad. I know you were not a perfect Father or parent. But I also know that you were "always" the only one in our family, that truly understood and "Got me".  I remember our long "talks" as a child and when I was growing up.  I should have told you all of this, when you were still present, here on earth. I have such regrets that I did not get to tell you this. I hope that you know, that I will never forget you Dad and thank you for being the one person in our family that understood "me".   I think I understood "you" more than anyone else in our family too. Maybe both of us being sensitive Pisces might have something to do with it? We had a connection. Not perfect by far. But while growing up I had this with you.  I am so grateful that I did.  Maybe if I had not, I wouldn't still be around? So thanks Dad.

your daughter
Barbara (Rhi)

1 comment:

goatman said...

I feel funny reading what seems like personal mail but I appreciate the sentiment. I frequently wish I had asked my dad questions that I now wonder about (its been about 4 years since his going) He was a pilot in WW II and Korea and I wonder about odd things like how they managed to pee in the plane and such? And how high he could go in the P-51. He did tell me a few stories about being shot up in Korea, though. So I am not completely in the dark.